Monday, August 28, 2006

Entry #74

The Other Side
by Cesar Puch

It’s so cold out here, more than I ever expected. I should have grabbed a sweater on my way out.

I look up at the sky and hear the quiet around me, and I remember when I got out of the car, thinking how peaceful this place was.

“You’ll like it at the cabin,” he’d said.

I came for a weekend. I’ve been here for two weeks.

I hold myself as the wind hits me. I really should go back inside. Maybe I could grab his coat.

No. He’s asleep. I must not wake him up.

I look up at the sky, at that cluster of jigsaw-shaped clouds. To me they look like a crust that’s beginning to crack. I look at them in their endless drift, and I look at the moon, so bright in the distance. I wonder what is beyond that light. I want to be on the other side.

Oh God. He’s awake now. I can hear him calling; he’s in a foul mood. Any second now he’ll know I’m not there, and then…

Oh dear God let me get away this time. I can take it no more.

I start running. I should have looked for some shoes too. The dirt is digging into my feet.

Please God, don’t let him come out. Give me some time.

His bellow makes the ground tremble. He knows.

I look up. The moon is there, watching, so bright.

If only I can reach it this time.


anne frasier said...

great pacing and great narrative.

i loved this simple line:

I hold myself as the wind hits me.

how can something so simple tell so much? but it does.

very nice.

Joni said...

Makes me think of "Misery." The innocent being held captive. Good sense of desperation. I hope she makes it. :)

Anonymous said...

You really sense how alone she feels. Nice.

Scott said...

This drives me crazy. What the hell is she lollygagging for outside if she's trying to escape? Run dammit! I agree, this is nice narrative, and like any good suspense piece, the protagonist is behaving against my instincts.

Bhaswati said...

LOL, Scott. I feel your anguish.

Great piece, Cesar. The woman's desperation is so real. I also like the subtle change in perception that takes place in the middle of the story. At first it seems like the two are related; later you realise she's been held captive. Great job, all in all!

Anonymous said...

I fear that this can come to no good end.

Wilf said...

THis is scary and desperate stuff. A pacy read with some lovely description.
Great story.

Anonymous said...

Cesar, loved it.

It feels like it's begging to be turned into a longer piece. I especially love the way you let us slowly come to the realisation that all is not well. Quite chilling.

Anonymous said...

Such a strong image. The trapped feel really comes out too. Great description. High marks overall.