Friday, July 11, 2008

Entry #6

Blurred Vision
by Scott Simpson

Twice the left toe lifted. Twice the machine said no.

Fact-- a Kawasaki K-Z1000 had only the six gears.

This was all there was.

Tears ran sideways out of squinted eyes. The shoulders were crunched into a ball. The bugs all came from where you headed. The guilt all came from where you’d been.

Fact-- You could screw a life up in an instant.

This was all there was.

You run into a wall and you obliterate. You lose your senses and you explode. It all comes straight at you like a rush of air and a stream of lights and sounds. You don’t see it coming but it throws your heart from your chest and smashes the blood out of it and leaves you no mind with which to pick up the pieces.

Fact-- without a blood supply, the human brain will die in about four minutes.

This is all there was.

You owned her and she felt good between your legs. She had power and she was a beauty. You washed her and you kept her inside as much as you were able. You took her for long drives-- just the two of you. You let no one touch her yet you often found yourself running your hands along the lines of her and declaring yourself the luckiest man alive. She belonged to you. You belonged together. You were man and his machine.

Fact-- when you cheat on a man, you sometimes die.

This is all there was.


Charles Gramlich said...

I can tell. This is a man who has ridden flat out on a bike and wondered what the next curve will bring--exhiliration, or extinction.
Been there myself.

Loved it.

Bernita said...

Clever. Well done.

Sarah Hina said...

I like the tightrope you walked here, between teasing us with a mystery, and not telling too much. I wondered whether he was talking about a real woman or just the bike. Great ambiguity.

The repetitive This was all there was. added a nice, stark touch. Great writing all around!

wrath999 said...

'leaves you no mind with which to pick up the pieces.' Great line here. Very intense visual. I enjoyed it

BernardL said...

Uh oh! :)

Pallav said...

brilliantly done in the word limit! had fun reading :)

Keep rockin!


JaneyV said...

I too thought the repetition was a nice touch. There were some excellent lines here. I particularly liked
The guilt all came from where you’d been.
So much truth.

Well done!

Jaye Wells said...

I seriously loved this.

Melanie Odhner said...

Wow, this my favorite story so far. I had to read it several times to completely understand it. There is quite a lot that it just barely says. Brilliant! And written in a very powerful tone.

Anonymous said...

Fresh and creative.
I enjoyed the read.

Esther Avila said...

Goes to show - In the end, even a machine can let you down.

Sameera Ansari said...

That's how life is.What we rely on the most just shakes us up at times.

Well written!

Scott from Oregon said...

Methinks I wrote a Roschach (sp?) tests. I am amazed to see all of the various interpretations of this.

Thanks for the comments. Especially the really nice ones...

JR's Thumbprints said...

Second person narratives aren't easy to write, yet you pulled it off. Good job.

Unknown said...

I love, love, love this!

laughingwolf said...

good'un, scott!

Scott said...

Nicely done. Great use of the word count, and the back story is immense.

Chris Eldin said...

Dark and mysterious, and keeps you questioning. This is very well done. It comes close to out-of-control intensity, but you reign us in just in time.

Aine said...

I loved how each observation and fact became successively more complicated. And yet each has a common thread: This is all there was.

Such a great description of pure passion.

Congrats on the honorable mention-- very well deserved!

Anonymous said...

Chilling! Excellent use of the motorcycle to say what he doesn't want to say. Very well done. High marks.

Congratulations on the Honorable Mention!!