Monday, January 11, 2010

Entry #138

Beyond The Nest
by Timothy P. Remp

Mother bird took flight. She left to find food for her hatchlings.

The hatchlings merry chirps filled the spring morning with song.

“What beautiful voices. Come sing to me.” Two hatchlings ignored the voice, but the third was intrigued.

“Why should I?”

“Come fly down and see,” said the voice.

“I can’t fly.”

“Why not?”

“Mother said so.”

“You sound young and strong. Mother may be wrong.”

Mother bird swooped into the nest carrying a large worm. The voice curiously disappeared.

“Mother, why can’t I fly? I am young and strong,” stated the hatchling.

“Because you’re too young and not strong enough, there are many dangers beyond the nest.”

The hatchling pecked his portion, pondering possibilities. He felt strong. Could Mother be wrong? That night, the hatchling dreamt of flying into the endless sky.

After sunrise, the hatchlings resumed their birdsong.

“So beautiful. Come sing to me,” said the voice.

“I might fall,” answered the hatchling.

“Don’t worry. I’ll catch you,” purred the voice.

The hatchling looked around for Mother, but she was nowhere to be seen. He climbed to the nest edge and stretched his wings. Beyond the nest was a vast landscape far, far below. Something black flicked its tail.

The hatchling leapt into the air and held himself aloft for a moment before plummeting.

“Help!” cried the hatchling.

“Finally,” roared the cat and snagged his breakfast.


Kathleen A. Ryan said...

Ah, what dangers lurk beyond the nest! A very clever story.

wrath999 said...

Cool story. An enjoyable read.

Bernita said...

Nice Aesopian style.

kashers said...

Mother knows best.

Merry Monteleone said...

I loved this... I may use it on my kids :-)

Leah McClellan said...

Fun! Lots of suspense...I was waiting with me breath held to see what kind of creature was down below!

Melanie Odhner said...

Nice and clever. I like the dashes of rhyme and alliteration.

Aniket Thakkar said...

Oh the mothers are so going to love this. :)

Very enjoyable read with a good morale. :P

austere said...

Fable feel to this one.

Craig said...

This is something really special. Defintely one of my favourites

K. Soles said...

Sweet tale. I thought it might be a fox!

Tessa said...

An enchantingly told cautionary tale!

catvibe said...

This made me sad. How many little ones get eaten by cats. That's why my cat stays inside, so he can't be the murderer that he truly is. I really enjoyed this piece. Great writing.

Deb S said...

Well told. Great pacing. Loved the dialogue. And I guess I'm a little sick, cause this one made me smile.

laughingwolf said...

lissen to yo mama!

DILLIGAF said...

Being a cat lover and having seceral in the house I knew it was a cat. Just had to be!!!

Very Aesopian indeed. Well written!

Laurel said...

My money was on cat, too. Sly, cunning creatures.

Nice fabled tone here.

lena said...

So so stupid of the little one. I love the style of your piece. Very well done.

Kartik said...

Being cooped in your nest is sometimes good!

Michael Solender said...

Had the fable feel to it somehow the unhappy demise fit to well! Clever.

Anonymous said...

be wary of the dangers and listen to the mother. nice tale.

JaneyV said...

Tim - this is a perfectly formed little fable. I think it would work really well as a teaching aide for 'stranger danger'. (I work in a school).

Lovely build up to the inevitable sad ending.

Kurt Hendricks said...

Love the final line!

James R. Tomlinson said...

Nicely paced story, with a purrr-fectly predictable ending. Still, an original interpretation of the photograph.

Aimee Laine said...

LOVE the voice of the cat! Being a cat person, I can totally see it! Sneaky. Mischevious, malevolent. ;) Great job! Loved it!

Anonymous said...

my caveat

Something I Would Keep

The movement, grammar, dialogue are all expertly crafted (I get really irked when they're not...but then I'm high maintenance picky like that.)

Something I Might Tweak

the predictability - there are some really fresh bits to this piece, and I think you could definitely apply that same skill to the plot

Chris Eldin said...

A fun read! Always listen to your mom is what I tell my kids.

Unknown said...

Ah, the young always seems to think they know better than Mother, until it's proved otherwise.

Congrats on the H/M!

Dottie :)