Friday, March 11, 2011

Bear With Me

When I used to see bloggers say what I’m about to say, I knew it was the beginning of the end.

But I’m still here, and they’re long, long gone, so maybe I’ll prove myself wrong.

I’m clearly not the blogger I used to be. I’m not getting around enough, I’m not responding fast enough, I didn’t run a winter writing contest, I’m not promoting my blog...the list goes on. I used to have two clear identities and goals in my life--lawyer and writer. I had no trouble pursuing both. It was pretty effortless for a time.

Now…not so much. The jump in my career leaves me with so much less energy. Added to that is the feeling that writing just isn’t as valued as it used to be. Publishing novels is bordering on a joke, booksellers are going bankrupt…good times. As a result, I think I've drifted into that artsy camp of writing *just because*. A few people will still do well, but I realize that writing is never going be a big second career for me.

So what now? Knowing myself, I’ll probably endure this rough patch, retool myself, and soldier on. Writing still means something to me. But just in case I can’t keep pace with what I built here at Clarity, then this post might be just what it used to signal in others--the beginning of the you-know-what.

In the meantime, try not to get pissed at me if I’m not the quickest or the most involved or the most out-there. I’m going to try to maintain my three-posts-per-week schedule, but only if I don’t get too repetitive, unoriginal, or downright boring.

Bear with me, my compatriots! I know that if you’re still visiting, then you enjoy coming, and I enjoy knowing you. I just wanted to confess that it’s gotten harder. I don't give up easily, though. Ever. ;)


Charles Gramlich said...

Yeah, I gave up quite some time ago at the idea of truly having a career as a writer. I want to write what I want to write and see it published, and know at least a few people like it. But I'm not gonna make a living at it. hang in there. We all go through some emotianally trying times as writers. It's the nature of the game, I think.

David Barber said...

Hang in there, Jason. I recently took over as editor of an online magazine and it seems to have given me a new lease of life. I love writing and making stuff up and if one day I can make a few ££'s out of it then great. If not, so what. At least I'll have stuck at it and given it a go. My only problem now is that my real job is getting busier and in the way BUT it pays the bills. If I miss a week or so on the blog then that's what has to give.

Keep at it!

the walking man said...

Do what you will Jason. Post, don't post. You have to find your own satisfaction and unlike me you can't afford to be awake 18 odd hours a day to get in all the things I do. Which by the by is a hell of a lot more than blog.

You have too little time for everything and not enough time for all things so find your balance just don't say;

"This is it, I'm done. Everyone take me off your blog rolls or I'll sue you."

This blog thing is voluntary a few years ago you raised your hand and volunteered, now the mission is accomplished enough for you to stand down until you're ready to stand up again.

I've enjoyed almost everything you've created but when someone has to move on, then for your own sake move.

Be Well and I'll be looking for you the next time you pop up on the list with a new post.

SzélsőFa said...

i know from personal experience ;) that a capricorn never gives up easily - and also that s/he takes everything into due consideration.
i like your blog and there will definitely be tonnes of encouraging comments... proving that yes, you have created a place.

apart from this above, i detto what walking man said :)

Laurel said...

Writing should be satisfying. If blogging sucks some of that away, then stepping back is what you should do. With limited amounts of time you owe it to yourself to focus the creative energy where you get the most payoff.

You might just need a sabbatical to let the well fill up again. We'll be here, cheering and waiting!

downward spiral said...

jason, you've done a wonderful thing here with clarity of night. no matter what, the blog is here, the contests are here, the history is here. i know i don't read blogs like i used to,and certainly don't blog like i used to, but i miss the good old blogging days.

anne frasier

Seré Prince Halverson said...

You're a writer, Jason, and I'm guessing you will always be a writer. Whether it comes out in your blog, or your novel, or short stories, or poetry, published by a major house, self-published in an e-book or a chapbook, appearing here in your blog, or wherever -- writing is your way of questioning and understanding this world, and of giving to others. Not your only way, but I can tell it's vitally important to you. How you go about it can change and evolve, but you're young, still, in writers' years. Taking a break will help fill up the well, as Laurel said. I'd be willing to bet that the well will soon start overflowing again.

Karen said...

I've become an occasional blogger, too, Jason, and I've learned that like all relationships, even virtual ones don't thrive without nurturing. That's okay, though. In the end, writing is what I do for me, not for someone else. That makes it much more satisfying -- knowing that I just have to please myself.

You have done great work and great things with your blog. I'll see you around when you find the time.

Lee said...

I think we write to give our soul expression. Like Karen said writing is "what I do for me". I am thankful that you have fed my soul thru your expression and hope we see more ~.

Stephen Parrish said...

Nowadays I blog only when I feel like it, when I have something to say. Even though it means having a quieter blog, something had to give.

As for writing, I like what Sere said. In writers' years, yer still a pup.

Anonymous said...

Charles, I'm with you on that one. They always said that writers have to write, and that's that. The situation now proves it more that ever.

Dave, oh man, I hear you on the real job issue. I used to be able to fit the two together much better. I wish you much success!

Walking Man, this blog not only has been a huge outlet for me, but a big source of satisfaction and accomplishment. I'm the one who really doesn't want to let it go the most. Things are changing though. Always changing.

Szelsofa, ha, yes! True words from another Capricorn. I know that we can come, we can go, and most people don't feel strongly about it one way or the other. I do value the interactions that went deeper, though.

Laurel, I get the most overall payoff from creating here. If I were limited to toiling in private on a novel that may or may not ever be seen, then I would stop writing altogether. No doubt in my mind. I like the getting-it-out-there component more than anything else.

Anne, you are so right. The past can't be undone. It will endure. Like you, it hard to let it just drift into the past, though, without missing it when it really lived. As for the old days, I'll always remember landing on your blog and seeing the post featuring old medical equipment. I thought, now there's someone who could be a kindred spirit. Thanks for being a part of these years!

Sere, you really captured the way I feel and the way I see it. Nailed it, actually. I can't even add a thought or two. Thank you!! This post is about being dragged off center and wondering if everything is destined to end.

Karen, I like that you still have presence, albeit less frequent. You never let it completely break. I hope that we can still nuture. I agree with what you said.

Lee, there has been an important group, past and present, that I feel really values what I'm expressing, because it must touch on familiar thoughts and emotions in them. You're definitely one of them. That common spark is my engine for writing.

Stephen, man, I don't feel like a pup (41), but I know you're right. You're a great model of how blogging doesn't have to be frequent in order to still maintain a sense of presence. I don't know for sure that I'm going to fail to get my feet back under me. It might all turn out fine. I do think I'm stuck with what you and Sere said. I'm not going to be able to put it down entirely, regardless of what happens.

PixieDust said...

I've always thought of writing as its own entity, we channel it, we narrate what we see, it takes on a life of its own. And as such, it will find its own path through you... whether you do it here on your blog, a journal, or elsewhere. (At least this is how it has always been for me - how's that for straaaaaaange - ha!)

I've enjoyed your generosity, sharing your stories, poetry, and observations, and I will continue to do so until your very last word in your corner of the blogosphere. Until then, and afterwards, I wish you the best in whatever you choose and do.


Anonymous said...

Hi Jason;
Just wanted to say that your writing has inspired me time and again, though I've never commented before. I'd like to believe that this is not the beginning of the you-know-what. Keep at it, your readers will be patient.

Atrisa said...

We wait, patiently.

Chris Eldin said...

I haven't checked any blogs in weeks... maybe months. But I came here today with a yearning for one of the CoN contests...
I mean, really... PLEASE!!!!

Anonymous said...

PixieDust, it does pour, doesn't it? Thank you for listening and enjoying your time here. It's been my pleasure. :)

Imran, I'm very touched. Seriously. I thank you for commenting to tell me. I thank you even more for reading just because. :)

Atrisa, with some luck, I'll manage to hold it together.

Chris, I'd like too. Really. But I have to clear some things off my plate first!

Mona said...

I know exactly what you mean. But life has to take its turns...

I myself feel less inclined to write because of other compulsions

awareness said...

There must be something in the air, or its just the sign of our personal times..... I could've written the same post, except I'd take lawyer out and replace it with counsellor.
This winter has been busier than most, but I've also found that my writing focus isn't as it used to be. I used to be able to open up my blog, punch away at the keys and the word flow would simply happen. Now, so many other things in life seem to pull me away from the "zone." It takes much more effort to press "publish".... AND I feel like I'm writing about the same thing over and over again!
I've thought a lot about whether blogging is losing its zest, whether change is in the air for me too.
Like you though, writing is a vital component in my heart and soul. It is where my spirit dwells. you Jason, I push on...... with the dream of publishing ....

....and the universe will unfold as it will.......

ps. I havent been able to get around to read and comment on other's blogs as much either.