Saturday, July 16, 2011

Entry #34

H E Double Hockey Sticks
by Wavemancali

I cut back the throttle approaching the hairpin. It’s not enough.

In the split second it takes to come around the bend the running commentary in my head is a jumble of profanity and panic.

“Fuck kid, here of all places you decide to play in the road you little shit? Left, no there’s a semi left, go right. Too fast, too close to the guardrail, gotta lay it down. Damn it, I still have $10K left to pay on this fucking bike. Oh shit my leg. Arrrrghhh my leg. Oh fuck, still too fast I’m going over. Oh man, I’m dead.”

Then nothing. For so long nothing.

Now it’s red. And it’s pretty damn warm. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.”

But strangely, I’m not hungry or in pain. There’s no one in sight. Just red everywhere and in the distance some strange looking Eye of Sauron thing, blurry from the heat.

Well isn’t this the classic horror movie dilemma? Sit on my ass perfectly safe doing nothing or go explore the scary eye where there could be demons and worse waiting to torture the humbled atheist.

I wait.

Well isn’t this boring?

And wait.

Yup, now I try to rationalize avoiding the boredom. Maybe I’m in a coma. Perhaps the scary evil symbol on the horizon is something I should explore.

And wait.

Is hell a choice between eternal nothingness and foolish decisions?

And wait.

Am I really this bored?

And wait.

I strike out towards the eye.


Anonymous said...

YAY! First official Sauron reference!!

Krunal said...

I quite like the voice in your story.

Michele Zugnoni said...

Wonderful job conveying character and voice. In 250 words, you've created a character so strong, he seems ready to leap from the page and drag us toward that damn eye. I wonder what he'll find there?

Thanks for sharing!

SzélsőFa said...

plus, it may also qualify as the first entry about someone dead, or zombie.
an interesting take!

Aimee Laine said...

... I try to rationalize avoiding the boredomGotta love trying to rationalize boredom. It's just not possible! :)

Precie said...

Great pacing. I certainly hope hell isn't boring...I expect to see meet some of my favorite people there. ;)

PJD said...

...and I'm lying at the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun, torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike...

Maybe that evil red eye thing is your heart, still beating, breaking out of your body and flying away...

Anyway, great description of the monolog in your head as you head over the side of the cliff.

Chris Alliniotte said...

Really enjoyed the voice in this.
Your vision of hell as a choice between eternal boredom or something infitely horrible is chilling.

fairyhedgehog said...

As Chris said, it is indeed chilling! I'm wondering why he's in hell when he(or she) ended up dead trying to avoid killing a child. It's enough to make you shiver!

Old Kitty said...

Loved this!! Hilarious!! Funny, witty, more please!! Take care

Unknown said...

Loved the waiting game...maybe that's truly what Hell is...a waiting game until near insanity and boredom makes us strike out in the direction of our nightmares.

Dottie :)

Aniket Thakkar said...

He could be a character in "Drive Angry". Don't look at me like that. I loved the movie for all the wrong reasons.

This was spooky, chilling, yet witty all the same. Thanks for the good read.

bluesugarpoet said...

I saw a wreck like this yesterday with all the same actors and wondered if anyone survived - now I know their fate! Great read! ~Jana A.

Jade L Blackwater said...

I strike out towards the eye. this last line really makes it for me, and this one is superb: "Is hell a choice between eternal nothingness and foolish decisions?"

Richard Levangie said...

Don't know if you've been in an accident, but the slow motion of events really does happen just as you described.

I haven't been a fire and brimstone guy for a long time. You described hell perfectly!

C. Sonberg Larson said...

Good story. Great pacing. Like the character development created in so few words.

Wavemanns said...

Thank you everyone for the comments.

As always in Jason's contests one of the things you look forward to is the comments your stories generate.

JaneyV said...

Wavemancali - I really enjoyed this piece. I thought the internal dialogue at he crashed was entertaining and spot-on. I especially loved that it ended with "Oh man, I'm dead."

My theory about hell is that it's personal to everyone. In this case we have an adrenaline junkie who is doomed to eternal boredom. I bet that through the Eye of Sauran is just another dull red room.

Katherine Tomlinson said...

All of the above and more so. I found I wanted to know more--both before and after. Love a deadpan narrator. This story is hella

Anonymous said...

That's a really unique vision of hell. I also thought you portrayed the boredom very well. Solid writing.

Congrats on Forties Club!