"Beacon"
by Bernita Harris
His prayer changed.
"Please God, let me make it," he said into the night and the rain, fixing his eyes on the pin-point of light half a mile away.
The light that means warm hands, carbolic and bandages. The light that meant help.
That light, the shimmering bead in the shouting night, the tiny glow that dimmed and refracted in halos before his rain-drenched eyes, he counted to keep him true.
Keep him steady in spite of the pain and the seeping blood.
Keep him away from the laboring, swollen river that shouldered and undercut the bank along his passage, beside his heavy feet.
Sometime in the sodden, staggering journey along the river path, the only path, his prayer changed.
"Please, Lena, please don't douse the lamps."
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Listening for the words in a quiet corner of the night. The fiction, poetry, and photography of Jason Evans.
About Me
- Aine
- Collaborator and night owl.
Past Contests
- "Elemental" Short Fiction Contest
- "Uncovered" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silhouette" Short Fiction Contest
- "In Vino Veritas" Short Fiction Contest
- "Ascension" Short Fiction Contest
- "Running Wind" Short Fiction Contest
- "Whispers" Short Fiction Contest
- "Restless Dawn" Short Fiction Contest
- "Halo" Short Fiction Contest
- "Endless Hour" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silent Grey" Short Fiction Contest
- "Lonely Moon" Short Fiction Contest (with Anne Frasier)
- "Midnight Road" Short Fiction Contest
- "Two Lights" Short Fiction Contest
The Official Compilation!
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~clausum~
18 comments:
This is great. I felt like I'd been set down in another place and time. A lone, gun shot, cowboy trying to get safely home to his wife. I liked the way you left it, you had me praying she didn't douse the light. Sandra
yes, very nice!!
Thank you, both.
Dare I say the basic tale is true?
Yes, I could feel the rain, the pain, the desperate hope.
I enjoyed it very much! Good job.
Very good, Bernita. :)
This is wonderful! The image you drew so vividly with such economy of words is superb. And the ending is a stealer. Really enjoyed reading it :)
Thank you.
You all are lights in the darkness yourselves, you know.
Bernita,
I loved this. Evocative and moving.
Jaye
Agree with the many comments - your economy of words allows the images to tell the story and moved me toward the end. Good opening line tied to the conclusion.
Question, though. You wrote: "The light that means warm hands, carbolic and bandages. The light that meant help." Do you want 'means' and 'meant' to be in different tenses?
Good writing,
Lyndon (Entry #24)
Bernita,
Really a very good and tense story. Anytime you can feel what the character is feeling, it's a success in my book. Great job.
- John WIlson.
Bernita,
I'm a little slow witted evidently, I just realized our joint "beacon(s)" titles and lines of thought. Interesting how people can arrive at some things very closely. I even made mention of seeing them on a late night drive home.
You know what though? I think your beacon shined brighter than mine;) Again, a great story.
-John Wilson.
Lyndon.
Absolutely right.
Thank you.
Should be "meant."
Doubt that, Skees, but thank you all for your kind comments.
A lot of intensity for so few words - nice one!
Wow Bernita this is stunning. I, like Sandra, was praying she didn't douse those lights. Good job!
great economy of words -- you can write 3 stories and still be under 250, WoW. Cowboy and short guns images -- even an Oriental like me gets IT!
Bernita, I loved the description of rain in the eyes. Details like that grab me. I really liked the last line also. It gave me a sense of an evolving journey.
Thank you, everyone, for your kindness.
What a pleasure to participate in your talented company.
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