Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Entry #41

“Broken Fairy Tale”
by Little Puddle


Serena's father sat across from her in his reading chair. She was thinking about inviting him for a game of cards, but decided against it. She knew that he wouldn't be interested. Her eyes looked to the window opposite to her father.

A tall electric pole looked down at her in a flash of lightning that marked the end of the storm. It gave Serena a feeling of loneliness in her heart. She then realized that she never had that security blanket, or toy to cuddle with since the death of her mother. She had no special friend to call after a bad day of school. Her father, now, was just a food and shelter provider. Serena had tried many times to make the father-daughter relationship work, but he wouldn't let her. He was the corner, the dead end in Serena's life.

Serena fought to hold back the tears, but she lost the battle. Three heartbreaking tears fell down her cheek, without her father's notice. She looked at him with a wailing scream, "Why? Why do you do this to me?!"

Without time for him to reply, she glanced back at the moon lit power pole. "Why?" She repeated softly to herself. With a shattered spirit longing to join her mother and a desire to let go of her dreams and future, the teenager fell to the floor.

With cold, open eyes, Serena's body faced the distant midnight road.

[Little Puddle is a 12 year old blogger that is not allowed to visit other blogs (except this one) yet.]

15 comments:

Jim said...

Transcendence? Or merely a moving on?

Anonymous said...

Wow, this is really good. I just hope it's not about you and me.

Big Daddy G

littlepuddle said...

No, our Father- daughter relationship is just the way that it should be. We do have our not-so-great-times, but who doesn't. I wouldn't have picked any other Big Daddy G.

Jim, I really don't know what those words mean. If your asking if she died or moved on, she died, that is what I was going for.

k l gilbert said...

This is a fascinating piece, with so many hidden dimensions. The last line made me misty.

Jaye Wells said...

LP, I love this line:

He was the corner, the dead end in Serena's life.

Great job!

For The Trees said...

you have great concept and execution. i like the way you made her realize the emptiness of her life.

and i like the way you told daddy it wasn't him. daddies worry, y'know?

at the rate you're going you're liable to end up like your mom...talented AND good looking.

Bhaswati said...

This is beautiful, Little Puddle! The little girl's isolation is captured so well, it does leave you misty-eyed. The end is so sad.

Kudos to you for writing this. And good luck!

JLB said...

Well done Little Puddle! I think there are many who wish they had the power to command their fate as Serena has done. The final line is excellent - I love the way it makes death a new beginning.

Scott said...

I liked your story too. Such a sad ending. It was sweet of you to reassure your dad. I have a couple kids of my own, but not as old as you are. We need to be reminded every day how our children feel about us.

sandra seamans said...

Nicely done, Little Puddle!

Writing Blind said...

That last line is so good. Very nicely done.

cesarcarlos said...

12?? You don't write like a 12 yr old. You write like a pro. I wish I wrote as well as you do when I was a kid. You have a great future ahead of you. Congratulations!!

(and glad your own father/daughter relationship is just what it should be :))

Lisa said...

YOu're such a gifted writer! Loved this line--He was the corner, the dead end in Serena's life. That says so much.

jason evans said...

Little Puddle, "He was the corner, the dead end in Serena's life."

That line blew me away. So sharp and filled with depth and observation. You should be proud of this piece overall, but I want to point you to that line in particular. When you bring a fresh angle, a clever turn of words like that, the writing soars off the page and become something greater. I'm amazed you captured that at your age. But let's forget about your age. Look for those little gems in everyday happenings, everyday life, and you will be a gifted writer.

littlepuddle said...

Thank you everyone. You all leave a smile on my face!