Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Entry #42

“Jimmy Crick”
by Elisha Bridges


See if I don’t climb that pole says Jimmy Crick. Kisses me hard, we all laugh and up he goes. I say hey and he looks down and I flash him my titties because they’re new and I love him more than I love my own breath. He gives me his white-tooth smile, slips and grabs the line, his face all twisted.

Frank drives out from the station and I’m on the ground with Jimmy, my ear on his heart like we was sleeping. Just like that. But it don’t beat my name no more, all I hear is them saying he's dead Ellie. He’s gone.

After a bit Frank starts up with his Ellie you too pretty to be alone, and the years pass on by, and I don’t know why, I just go and marry him to get the dead out of my soul, which it don’t.

One day he’s in my face in the double-wide how I loved Jimmy Crick more than him. Then he’s calling him Jimmy Crisp and punching me and such, and then I’m bruised in the bath and he's got the toaster saying if you love him so much.

And if I hear one more yellow-tooth snore. So I get the deer gun, make some noise, and Frank stops. Throw the ladder in his pick-up and drive on out through the night to the pole.

Want to grab that line, I want so bad to go see Jimmy Crick.

See if I don’t.

33 comments:

bekbek said...

This is so sweet and raw and full of passion and lonliness. Well done.

Fran Piper said...

Wonderfully authentic sounding voice!

k l gilbert said...

This piece is among the best I have read. You are to be congratulated on your storytelling skills. It isn't easy to pack a wallop in so few words, but you did it. I agree with Fran Piper it is authentic.

I am blown away by the talent on this blog. I feel so fortuante to have happened on it.

Anthony J. Rapino said...

Amazing voice in this. You can really hear Ellie. Great piece.

Flood said...

Very well done. I liked it so much, I read it 6 times.

JLB said...

Beautiful voice and powerful emotion - I really enjoyed reading your work.

Bhaswati said...

A heart-rending story told in such an endearing voice. I have to agree with the others--this is a winner. I loved the way the end went back to the beginning. Brilliant!

Thanks for giving us the chance to read this :)

Jaye Wells said...

Wow. As others have said, this was fantastic. What you don't say is almost as compelling as what you do.

Elisha Bridges said...

Isn't this a wonderful contest? Thank you all so much for your comments.

Cavan said...

This entry was simply amazing - definitely one of my favourites of the contest.

Sig H said...

What everyone else has said. Your story had a unique voice and flowed fantastically, and I like how things came to a full circle by the end.

Amra Pajalic said...

I love this. Love the voice and the pain and poignancy of her love.

cesarcarlos said...

Loved it. I could feel her pain and desire to carry on, to pretend she could put it behind her. A powerful piece. Congratulations.

Lisa said...

Such a great voice! The character is so authentic. Sad tale though.

INKcogKNEEdough said...

Have to agree with the general consensus. AWESOME job writing the dialogue! I think we have a winner...or at least one of em. I could say more but i am almost out of time to get my votes in.

thanks for the great read!

INKcogKNEEdough

anna said...

Absolutely awesome. great great
writing. what a wonderful voice!!

Scott said...

Yes, I expect that this will win or place. Very well done. True voice and paced perfectly.

Scott said...

Actually, I didn't say enough. This was amazing. Really. The pole is central to the whole piece, beginning and end. And the voice is so real, I can just see her, like I've met her before.

anna said...

Kiddo you got it all
Great job!!

Pendragon said...

I say hey and he looks down and I flash him my titties because they’re new and I love him more than I love my own breath.

all i can say about this post is
WOW!

mr. schprock said...

Incredible.

Roy said...

My vote.

Writing Blind said...

Congratulations on winning, this is a fantastic story.

Anthony J. Rapino said...

Congrats again, you deserve this. Such a crisp piece of writing.

Roy said...

Congratulations! And, thank you!

Flood said...

This was my number one vote and I am so happy it won. Congratulations!

Deni Dietz said...

WOW! Incredible. This story will stay with me for a long, long time.

Elisha Bridges said...

Thanks so much everybody. I am overwhelmed.

As I posted in the general comments section (the one after Jason's announcement of the winners), Elisha Bridges is a pen name.

My real name is SF (Stephen)Johnston, and I decided to use a pen name because the story was so unlike anything I had ever written before, and because it was from a vantage point very far removed from my own.

I am wondering now whether that was such a good decision!

There is more info in the general comments section, but for now -- Thank you!!

Stephen

Chemical Billy said...

The win was well-deserved. Got me from the first line.

ann marie simard said...

Hi, this was excellent, really original and easy streaming, really really love it.

Congrats, what a voice and flow!

Ann Marie

jason evans said...

(If you have yet to meet "Elisha Bridges," check out my note at the bottom of the contest index.)

Stephen, dear God. The characterization was so deep I couldn't see the bottom. It reminded me of Toni Morrison. I'm floored. Just floored. Obviously, this piece dominated the contest. Congratulations on taking the top prizes with authority!

ME Strauss said...

It is alive. Wonderful writing. Thank you.

Victor Bravo Monchego, Jr said...

I've been digging through Jason's archives. What a grand piece. Thank you. Made my day to read it.