Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Entry #3

Waning Moon
by Hana K. Lee


The kid paused to catch his breath. He was dying for a smoke, but they were already behind schedule. "Full moon tonight."

The old man paused and looked up. "That was last week. Right now you'd call it a waning moon. Pretty soon it'll fade into a sliver and disappear until the next full moon."

"Oh. I was never good at astrology."

"Astronomy."

"Whatever." The young man picked up the shovel again. "All I know is that it seems awfully bright. Like a goddamn spotlight. Gives me the creeps."

"We'll be done here in a bit."

After a few more moments, the kid thought his arms were going to fall out of his shoulders. "Do you think this is deep enough?" He didn't want to seem like a wimp, but he couldn't dig anymore.

The old man shrugged. "It'll have to do."

"Good." He thought about lighting up, but the cigarette would have to wait. He rolled the bag into the hole. He didn't want to touch the smaller, dripping bag so he putted it with his shovel. "Poor bastard."

"A shame what they did to his body. He was Catholic, you know."

The kid didn't know what that had to do with anything, but he kept quiet.

The pair crossed themselves and pushed dirt over the two lumps. They worked in silence with their backs turned towards the waning moon.

18 comments:

Joni said...

What an awful task. I keep focusing on the dripping bag. Yucky. Very cool.

Bernita said...

Are the gravediggers Grave diggers?
Or somethinh more?
Very good scene.

Jim said...

Yes, lots of unanswered questions here. Nice dialogue.

Bonnie Cehovet said...

The dialogue was well paced, the scene nicely done. However, I did feel like too much area was tried to be covered in too few words.

Flood said...

Great story. I loved this line, The kid didn't know what that had to do with anything, but he kept quiet.

anne frasier said...

hana, nice and creepy scene! excellent use of viewpoint!! i like the way it's just a little window into something we will never know more about.

Robert Ball said...
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Robert Ball said...

I like the under stated "horrorness" of the piece. The matter-of-fact conversation while toiling away at a gristly task. The small dripping bag really creeps me out. Great!

linda said...

He was a Catholic, now where is that leading? Devil worshipers? The fun of reading is that we all have our own imaginations. Interesting.

mr. schprock said...

Nice dialogue, nice unfolding of the scene. Creepy enough to make me turn the nightlight on when I go to sleep tonight.

robert rohloff said...

Good writing. I felt like I was there watching.

Scott said...

I too was intrigued by reference to Catholic, which caused me to reflect on the meaning. I came up blank. Muslim and I would have had some clue. The dialog impressed me too.

Tami said...

As everyone else, I like your dialogue here. It has a great flow to it. It has a nice voice about it. Great job!

k lawson gilbert said...

Intelligent writing...with a literary feel.

Nice little piece of business...characters blessing themselves.

It sort of reminded me of an old black & white movie.

Bhaswati said...

I agree with Robert Ball. The matter of fact tone of the story makes it all the more creepy. Well done :)

Nicholas Abbot said...

I think you did a great job of using dialogue to decsribe the subtle relationship between the older man and ther kid.

Nicky said...

Lots of elements of creepy. Great snapshot which leaves all sorts of questions hanging in the air.

jason evans said...

A mundane moment in the midst of a horror! Very nice. High marks for storytelling.