Saturday, August 26, 2006

Entry #39

Under a Puzzled Sky
by R. W. Randall


He really thought she would be the one, this time.

It was a mackerel sky, his late father would have called it. The clouds smeared and shifted moonlight into confusing shadows. He stared up from a stand of yellow pines, turning his thoughts over and over again without the distractions of the daylight world. There was a scent of approaching autumn on the wind, overlaid with the warm, decaying smell of forest duff. It was times like this when his mind asked the most questions.

He never could figure out what marked him as strange. As a child he had made no friends. It was no different now. Everyone in town knew him, but no one invited him anywhere. He worked alone, walked alone, fished alone, lived painfully alone. Women chanced upon him from time to infrequent time, but it always ended the same. It’s not you, they would say, It’s me. Which meant it really was him. Weird peculiar oddball him.

Why did everything always feel so wrong? Was there nothing but frustration and struggle? Did the world not understand him, or did he not understand the world? The world didn’t answer. There was only the melancholy thrum of frogs, the lamentations of crickets to a dying summer.

He really thought she would be the one, this time.

This time, at least, he had found a partial solution. Turning back to his work, he dumped her body in the pit and covered his questions with dirt.

20 comments:

Joni said...

Oh, so much I think we can all relate to. So sad. The desperation chipped away at him until he broke. Provocative. Very well written.

klgilbert said...

The last line is chilling and makes such a statement. Looking into the minds of the disturbed is heavy stuff. Enjoyed this.

Bernita said...

The innocence of evil...

Jim said...

Innocence gone to seed.
This is the way psychosis begins.

anna said...

As always if you are the Randick I think you are, the writing is very visual, layers upon layers that crop up in a 2nd or 3rd read.
This is a disturbing post as I think all of us have known people like this at one time or another. Hard to put your finger on exactly what is wrong but in the back of your mind you know there is something dreadfully amiss.

Killer close (g)

Ben Marroquin said...

I really enjoyed your piece of fiction here.
I loved the POV, the workings of his mind.
You really captured a look into a dark world.

Writing Blind said...

Spooky but I loved it. It's great how you got into the head of the character.

anne frasier said...

so many fantastic descriptions.

"There was only the melancholy thrum of frogs, the lamentations of crickets to a dying summer."


a turning point. he's realizing things will never change for him, and nothing will get better.

very, very nice!

Robert Ball said...

The birth of a serial killer? Well developed from innocent things that happen to many of us to ... crossing over the line.

Shadowrite said...

Excellent, vivid descriptions!

Linda Fort-Bolton said...

It makes you think. This weirdo is still out there looking for "the one".
Robert has him pegged as a "serial killer."
I liked that
Good story.

robert rohloff said...

I think I know this guy, or that guy, or maybe him or him or him. My neck is getting soar from watching my back.

nicholas abbot said...

"covered his questions with dirt" gets my vote for the best last line.

Jason, is there a Readers' Choice Award for best last line?

:-)

jason evans said...

Nicholas,

LOL! Sorry, but I'm afraid not. :)

Kingfisher said...

Thank you all for your kind comments.

But praise is easy, criticism is hard. There must be something amiss; what do you think it is?

Darts don't hurt, if they're thrown with honesty...

I bow to all my worthy competitors. There is much to learn here.

Thank you, Jason!

R. W. Randall

Bhaswati said...

The end took me by surprise. And oh yes, that is a terrific line to end the story with. Good job!

briliantdonkey said...

Great story,

Makes me wonder how many of the others he has buried?

BD

Jer said...

Loved it. 'Cause being scared and creeped out is fun. Jer

tiff said...

man, kingfisher - I love this story so darned much. I didn't see the ending coming at all.

jason evans said...

I thought his mental musings were very well done. Very believable. I got a good sense of him. High marks overall.