Sunday, August 27, 2006

Entry #52

The Journey to the End
by Anna Stitzel


Looking up at the sky, the woman sees the moon is still hidden. Good. The roaring of the ocean below sounds in the quiet of the night.

So lonely...so lost...like me. A single tear slips down her cheek. With a dirty hand, she swipes it away, smearing grime on her face. She then bends down and burdensomely picks up her satchel and on unsteady legs the woman again starts the trek to the cliff as thoughts bombard for her attention...

You’re a worthless piece of trash!

You don’t belong here, you don’t belong anywhere.

You’re not human, you’re nothing.


People and voices flood the woman and she shakes her head furiously to get rid of them. So much pain, so much she needs to extinguish...

With another furious shake, the woman continues walking with her left leg dragging behind her. With her right arm permanently tucked up against her bosom, her left arm clenches the satchel. Inside laid the solution. All she has to do is make it to the cliff before the moon appears. Then she will be able to release the affliction that has held her captive.

Suddenly, the night sky grows in brilliance.

“Nooooooo!” screams the woman. “You have to stay hidden! He said so!” Running as fast as her disfigured leg would allow, she races to the cliff.

Abruptly, the man with the warning steps into her path.

“So you came. You stupid fool.”

Then with horror, the woman watches as her worst nightmare comes true.


[Breanna (Anna for short) Stitzel is in college majoring in Communications in Drama and minoring in Missions at a small Christian college in Pa. She likes to write stories on the side and write in her blog (link above).]

17 comments:

Joni said...

Uhh..Uh... uh.. yes? and? Talk about a cliffhanger! ha.

You've got the buildup thing down. The possibilities are intriguing and frustrating.

Nice one.

robert rohloff said...

Good job. Kept me hanging on, wanting more, more, and more with eyes strecthed and mind open

Linda Fort-Bolton said...

Anna, your blog is inspiring.
You really know how to draw out a character. I would be interested to read more about this one. good work.

nicholas abbot said...

Okay. *I'm* freaked out...

Bofire said...

This contest is getting very intresting. This is one of my favorites.

Anna said...

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Joni, that was my intent. I wanted to leave the ending open for people's imagination. I wanted them to want more.

Robert, It was so hard to write within the word limit. lol. So, I opted for leaving y'all hanging.

Linda, Thank you for you comment about my blog. I love to use that sight for my deeper thoughts and such.

Nicholas, seems I have the knack for that. The last story I wrote and posted on my blog, "The Beast" freaked out all who read it. lol.

Bofire, thanks for you comment. I've loved reading all the stories on here and I'm flattered that you consider my story one of yoru favorites.

Jim said...

Heh, it appears that the knack for writing frustrating cliffhangers runs in the family. Good job!

anne frasier said...

ah, how mysterious!! and there's a gothic feel to it that i really like. i do wonder what's in that satchel....

very nice, anna!

klgilbert said...

Mysterious and macabre! Good cliffhanger!

Scott said...

Awww! What happens next? Don't be stingy.

Anna said...

Jim, yeah it must run in the family or something. lol. Though I think you are much better at it than me. :-)

Anne, Thanks so much for your comment. It's awesome to get a well-known author to comment on one's story.

klgilbert, I loved your comment! I loved the macabre part. :-) Thanks for your comment

Scott, It's all in the imagination of the reader as to what happens next. I loved leaving my story open-ended like that.

Flood said...

Anna, I hope you will expand on this (on blog?), because you've made so many of us crazy, wondering.

Marcail said...

No...o..o.. Don't stop. Tale interruptus.

Bhaswati said...

You captured the woman's desperation so well. I sure hope she remains safe. Nice work. :)

Anna said...

Flood, I will definitely try and expand on the story. I have a few ideas bouncing around in my mind.

Marcail, As I was telling Flood, I will most likely try and expand the story on my own personal blog. So stay tuned and I'll try and let ya know if and when I get it up.

Bhaswati, Thanks for your comment. I wasn't sure if I had captured her desperation right or not. I am just an amateur writer so I'm alwayus lookin' for ways to improve or for things that I'm doin' right.

briliantdonkey said...

Nicely done anna,

If you wont tell us anything else yet dang it you GOTTA tell me whats in the satchel? c'mere you can tell just me ,,,,I kin keepa secret. Well done.

BD

jason evans said...

So chilling. Preyed on using her burning wish. To leave the end open is even more disturbing.