Sunday, August 27, 2006

Entry #56

The Moon Creature
by Little Puddle


I lay there in a pool of my own blood. My arm and neck stung as though I was attacked by thousands of bees. Having been laying there for so long, I tried to get up. My body leaned against the stair railing. I took a step up the first stair, then the second. I stopped for a break. I sat on the cold, hard cement. Again, I slowly pulled myself up using the railing. I fell back hitting my head on a stair, three steps behind me.

More blood flowed down the stairs. I had to get to the main office. I once more pulled my tired body up. One, two, three steps. Only five more. Slowly, I was able to pull my drained arms and legs up the last few steps. At the top of the stairwell, the wall was the only thing holding me up.

"Please, Police! Help me, please! I was attacked by a werewolf. I know it sounds crazy, but please help me!" Everyone was running.With my arm raised, I slowly chased after the people to get help. I turned a corner, facing a mirror. What I saw was hideous. As I looked closer, I realised that my bite was more than an attack. I was now a creature of the night, a killer. I turned and followed my footsteps. I had to get revenge. The moon would be my guide.

19 comments:

Joni said...

Agonizing journey. You've painted a vivid picture. Good job.

robert rohloff said...

Well writen!

briliantdonkey said...

wow, very nicely done LP! I never get tired of a good werewolf story.

BD

nicholas abbot said...

I loved the utter exhaustion as the protagonist tries to get up the stairs!

Bofire said...

I liked your blog.
"I was now a creature of the night".

I liked your story well written.

anne frasier said...

very nice, LP! loved the last paragraph!

Linda Fort-Bolton said...

My favorite kind of story, when we have a moon.
Free flowing and well written.

Robert Ball said...

The trauma and pain are concisely and well written.

Marcail said...

Counting those stairs was agonizing. I was with you all the way. Spine-tingling writing Lil' Pud.

Anna said...

Such an pain filled story. I felt it the whole way. I love the last paragraph.

klgilbert said...

"the moon would be my guide."
Great job, Littlepuddle. You really mapped this out.

littlepuddle said...

Thank you everyone. I had written many other stories and this one was the best. I hope you've everyone else's stories. And the best of luck to everyone.

Jaye Wells said...

Great job, LP. I like the vivi description of the pain as bees stings.

Jim said...

Wow, what a quick transition! Bite to transformation in very short order. Loved it!

fringes said...

I loved the end, LP. And the imagery of your narrator chasing people slowly...way to work the slo-mo effect in writing. Well done.

Scott said...

Nicely painted scene! The struggle to get up the stairs was done with such clarity.

Flood said...

Sorry, I forgot to comment on this. I liked the struggle on the stairs best, too. And your use of the word 'hideous,' was excellent.

Bhaswati said...

Wow, what a neat story! The struggle to climb up the stairs is so vivid; I see it clearly and feel the narrator's pain. Great way to end the story too. Very well done, Little Puddle!

jason evans said...

I'm dumbfounded, LP! What an wonderful portrayal of action. You outdid yourself on building the tension. High marks overall.