Sunday, August 27, 2006

Entry #57

Peter's Story
by Susan Barr


He really didn't like being out on a night like this because he might be seen. He preferred moonless and cloudy. The best nights were ruined now, though - people seemed to be drawing their curtains earlier. Damn it.

He enjoys looking in windows, catching snapshots of lives. They seem oblivious, even now. Must choose quickly because soon someone will remember and dart to the side of the window to hastily close him out.

A car is moving slowly down the street toward him. They'd increased patrols, hadn't they?

"Getting something of a name for myself" he thought smugly.

Peter put his case down before they got close enough to focus on him. There were two, each scanning a different side of the street. Cocky looking bastards. He nodded at the driver and tried to look friendly and curious. He'd discovered that worked.

They didn't stop - hadn't spotted his case. Relief.

As the car rounded the corner he hastened on. He really had to hurry now because they'll come round again. Choose quickly. A room with one dim side lamp and a television flickering in the corner. A woman, head down, reading, husband watching tv. Boring. He moved on. There! Perfect! It was 'just so'. Two men and two women seated at the table.

He took his rifle out of its case and adjusted the scope. Nice. Flowers on the table too. He wished he could stay to savour it all. The host raised his glass.

"Cheers, you bald bastard!"

15 comments:

Scott said...

Nice bit of irony there. Why indeed to people keep their windows shut nowadays?

linda said...

I know I am going to keep my blinds closed. Interesting reading.

Joni said...

My, but aren't we getting into quite a few twisted minds in this contest. Thanks for the reminder to keep the curtains closed. Nice work.

Susan said...

Don't worry, Joni. It's just a vivid imagination. I'm really a harmless old sack.

anne said...

Ooh dear... Not quite as harmless as I thought, then...
If I may just say that, your use of tenses is a little distracting. I like that you're using the present, but then the switch to preterit or past perfect makes it a little hard to adjust.

briliantdonkey said...

very interesting. I knew he was up to no good, but hoped I was wrong up until the end.

BD

Jim said...

Not quite what I was expecting. I liked it!

aleah said...

The last sentence did it for me. LOL.

Cheers.

Flood said...

I really love that MC sees his mission as 'art.'

Great story.

anne frasier said...

ooh, very nicely done, susan!!

and i too loved the last line!

a very fun piece!

Marcail said...

Nice writing. Nice twist on voyeurism --the watcher changes the outcome of the vignette. Evil.

klgilbert said...

I have to say that this story is scarier to me than the vampire, werewolf, monster stories...

A human that sick and evil is just disturbing. And the real scary part is that it happens.

I feel disgusted - so you have done a good job at creating an evil character.

Bhaswati said...

Disturbing and effective.

Amin said...

Susan, you have some imagination there.

Cold, chilling and utterly amoral, that story. A nice piece of fiction.

jason evans said...

That was seriously disturbing. And effective! Of course, I thought "peeping Tom," but it's so much worse. Very nicely done. High marks overall.