Sunday, August 27, 2006

Entry #58

Mom Knows Best
by R.R. Rapoza

It's over, it's finally over.

Mothers are always right.

"You wouldn't like it if someone did that to you!" She would always say.

I stood outside stunned at the contrasting scene before me. The sky was filled with beautiful clouds and the moon appeared on the verge of peaking through. I found it very hard to reconcile that sky with the destruction I was seeing. Tree limbs, roofing shingles, garbage cans, and even a large picnic table were scattered everywhere in our yard. I wondered who it belonged to and if they would ever have another picnic. A huge oak tree lay sprawled across the road stopping less than ten feet from our front door.

I recalled how scared I had been when the wind was at its worst. The trailer shook so violently, I thought the whole thing would be lifted up and carried away. It was as if a giant were outside and this time I was the hamster. Our trailer, my cage. I prayed for his mother to come along and stop him. Hearing the loud crash outside even mom had lost her cool for a second.

"We're going to die," she'd muttered.

Recalling those words now, chilled me to the bone. I looked skyward, and promised to never shake my hamster's cage again.

It's over, it's finally over.

"Get your ass back in here!" dragged me from my thoughts.

"What is it mom?"

"This is just the eye!"

Mothers (gulp), always right.

[When not writing R.R. Rapoza consistently shows he is not brilliant on his far from serious blog, Brilliant Donkey.]


fringes said...

The hamster is gettin' him some overdue retribution!

Interesting that the narrator is thinking about his hamster when his own death could be imminent, but we all experience shock in different ways.

Yes, moms are always right.

Scott said...

Wives seem to always be right too. Go figure. It may be too late for our young hero to have seen the light.

Joni said...

Having experienced my first tornado this spring, the fear is fresh. I really like the hamster analogy. Kept the piece flowing. Terrific ending. Wonderful job, BD.

Nicholas Abbot said...

I like the hamster imagery too. I had to read it twice to get it, but then it really stuck with me.

Jim said...

Those of us who've been through can really appreciate this. Gotta love those storms.

Flood said...

Really great, BD. I like how you let the reader fill in the blanks.

anne frasier said...

"It's over, it's finally over.

Mothers are always right.

"You wouldn't like it if someone did that to you!" She would always say. "

loved the way you brought us back around so we understood this opening. good job!

Marcail said...

Liked the karmic aspect. All creatures big and small... nice parallel.

Writing Blind said...

Rob, this is a great story. And you're right, mothers always know best. But then again, all we women do. :)

klgilbert said...

Lesson learned! Enjoyed this.

Bhaswati said...

I prayed for his mother to come along and stop him.

Great line! This piece flowed nicely. The hamster analogy fits so well.

briliantdonkey said...

Thanks for the comments all.....

scott: yes they are or like to think so anyways, (see fringes or WB's comment if you doubt it, lol)

Nicholas, Joni,:Thanks, I kind of liked the hamster analogy as well.

Anne,flood,marcail: thanks, I was going for the circular and 'don't piss off Karma' effects.

WB: of course you are,,,,of course you are.

Bhaswati: That was one of my favorite lines as well.

jason evans said...

Oh, that was seriously devious ending with the eye. I loved that!! High marks overall.