Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Entry #6

Someone Else's Night
by Ella Lesatele


Ten minutes past closing. I brought out the sequined shoes and the pretty blond slipped them on her pedicured feet, not bothering to put down her cell.

"You know it's a full moon," she said, stalking over to the foot mirror and pivoting. "Four of those freaks called today." The sequins seemed to wink back at me from the mirror. I smothered a yawn.

"Don't laugh. This one guy asked if I was into maribou." She balanced on one foot as she pried the other shoe off. "The next one says he can tell from my voice that I have a sexy smell. Holy creep, Batman." She tossed it in my direction without looking. "That's not even counting the mud-fetish freak-"

The whiskey-colored satin was still warm from her foot. I re-wrapped it and tucked it back in the box. After a final look in the mirror, she shucked the other shoe, kicked it towards me, and stepped back into the red Prada heels she'd worn in. No sale.

"No," she said, laughing, "I can't eat sushi, my diet. Maybe-" The bells on the closing door drowned out the rest of the conversation. I yawned again.

Outside, the moon glowed dimly in a cloud-scaled sky, barely visible above the yellow blare of city lights. I turned out the lights, locked the door, and began my walk to the bus stop, wondering if I would ever have the chance to lead an interesting life.

19 comments:

Jim said...

Now that's depressing, but so very true to life.

Joni said...

Gotta say I love this one, though I don't want to admit it's because it hit so close to home. Nice snapshot.

anne frasier said...

oh, wow. that's wonderful, ella. you captured both characters so perfectly.
very nice.

Bernita said...

Makes me wonder if her body will be found in the morning...

Jim said...

Bernita, isn't that just the way, though? We take the most ordinary experience and then twist it to get something cynical and unexpected. :)

Jer said...

I really enjoyed this one. Probably because it's a different genre. Nice.

Linda said...

Two people meet without ever meeting. How strange.

robert rohloff said...

Simple, yet to the point. The point being the one that leads no where. Very good, it made me feel depressed.

aleah said...

Good connection between characters.

Scott said...

I loved the contrast of the two characters. I can totally relate to the feeling of watching someone else have all the problems I wish I had. Well told.

k lawson gilbert said...

Oh, I loved this. The characterization is clever and perceptive.

It is so Walter Middy-ish.

Fantastic.

Writing Blind said...

This is my favorite kind of story, where the characters are all kind of walking around missing the connection. Very nice work.

Bhaswati said...

The contrast between the characters is so sharp, it stings. Excellently done!

Minx said...

Neatly done, subtle.

Flood said...

I keep re-reading this, because I like it so much.

Ella said...

Thanks, everyone. This is the first short-short piece I've ever done, and it's great to get positive feedback on it.

anne said...

Oh wow, I loved this.
The whole conversation/no-conversation thing, the tone, everything. Brilliant.

Suzanne Smith Karg said...

Congratulations on your well-deserved win!

jason evans said...

What a perfect sense of motion balanced with dialog. I also am touched by the perspective of the outsider. Congrats on the Honorable Mention!