Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Entry #7

Tornado Lillian
by Robert Rohloff


“Some horrible black clouds rolling in, Mom,” Ben said to his wife, Lillian, who stood over a sizzling frying pan on top the stove. He lowered his coffee cup from his mouth, placing it upon the kitchen table, looked back out the window. “Big storm, maybe a tornado coming.”

Lillian turned over the catfish in the frying pan. “You and your tornados. Every time a black cloud appears in the sky, you scream tornado. Tell me, Ben, when is the last time we had a tornado around these parts?”

Ben thought, while rubbing his whiskered face. “Son of a gun, you might be right, Mom. I am eighty years old and can’t recall ever seeing a tornado in these parts, but that doesn’t mean that one can’t happen.”

“We have been arguing about this same subject for the last sixty years, Ben. Enough is enough. I am getting sick of it!”

Ben shook his head. “Doesn’t hurt to be prepared for the worst, the early bird gets the worm.”

“For God sakes, Ben, what is that suppose to mean? The early bird gets the worm.”

“Never mind, Mom, you would never understand.”

“Oh, now I’m stupid, am I?” Lillian started flipping the catfish.

“If the shoe fits, wear it,” Ben replied.

Lillian walked over to the table, raising the frying pan high above her head, and brought it crashing down across the top of Ben’s head.

Ben crumbled to the floor.

“Tornado Lillian just hit the early bird,” Lillian whispered.

26 comments:

Jim said...

A man bound to his clichés. Amusing ending. :)

Joni said...

For some reason this one strikes me as sadder than some of the ones involving horrific murders, despite the humor. I guess everyone has their limits. Nicely done.

anne frasier said...

hehe!! nasty, and i mean that in a good way. :D i know someone who speaks in cliches and it drives me insane! but i get what joni is saying about the sadness. it's sad that she didn't bonk him on the head 50 year ago. :D

okay, kidding...but not kidding.

Bernita said...

She should have done it years ago, irritating old coot.

Jer said...

Great. Loved Tornado Lillian.

Linda said...

A mixture of terror and emotions, what a combination. Good Job.

Bonnie Cehovet said...

Great story! I think I come in on the side of the "old coot", cliches and all. ;-)

Scott said...

He had it coming!

robert rohloff said...

Thanks everyone for the great comments.
"Hey, Mom, the catfish ready yet?")

anna said...

Yikes! some men just think they know everything ;)
loved the little twist -- er hehe

k lawson gilbert said...

I think "Mom" is a little stressed. I for one don't think Ben deserved his fate. Good writing, though.

Bhaswati said...

This is hilariously dark. The end stunned me a bit, but I liked the play of words with "tornado" and "early worm". Clever.

Love the dialogue.

fringes said...

Makes you wonder if Ben had been tormenting Ma with more than clichés. There was an underlying secret to her madness.

Bofire said...

I like the way you write. Murder with a twist.

Nicholas Abbot said...

Hee hee! This one definitley rocks in the last line department!

Flood said...

Ben didn't get the worm, but he did get more than he bargained for. Entertaining read!

Steve Allan said...

Very amusing.

Miriam Cunha said...

Simple comment. A master piece!

Andy said...

A neat little glimpse into a long life together. Makes one wonder about the back story.

You could perhaps delete a few unneeded details to streamline a bit. For example, standing "over a sizzling frying pan on top of the stove" -- I wouldn't expect a frying pan to sizzle anywhere else -- unless Lillian was the one standing on top of the stove.
And since you've already mentioned the pan, saying that "Lillian turned over the catfish in the frying pan" is a little redundant.
Even if the words aren't perfect, the story is good, though, and that's half the battle.

Liza said...

Andy in all fairness to a good story, I have to point out that the turning over of the catfish came after the sizzling frying pan. I think the sizzling frying pan was a great way to point out Lillian's built up tensions inside. Anyway that is how I seen it, and read it. Good story.

Bofire said...

He Andy, you sound a lot like Ben, better be careful.

We are all just having a good time here and the catfish ended up on the floor anyway.

jason evans said...

From your host: I know everyone respects the spirit this contest is intended. Please maintain the supportive environment.

briliantdonkey said...

K, I am trying not to laugh at this story(the story not the writing) but I can't help but smile. Nicely done.

BD

Andy said...

I apologize if anyone took my comments the wrong way. I meant them as constructive criticism.

From now on I guess I'll offer praise only.

jason evans said...

Andy, that's not what I'm saying. Constructive criticism is important and is a sign of support; however you have to be careful with the tone you give it. The comment about the character standing on top of the stove was not necessary for your point. The reactions to you were harsh also, which I'd prefer not to see.

That said, I don't want hard feelings over this. Let's chalk it up to the limitations of the internet and give each other the benefit of the doubt.

jason evans said...

I can only imagine the lead in. In another context, this might be a Monty Python moment. Lillian is not to be messed with. High marks for pacing and entertainment.