Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Hell is a Stackable, Straight-Backed Chair

As I write this, I'm not quite sure if I'm awake or asleep. I think I fell asleep a while ago, but I think I woke up. If I didn't, I really wish I'd dream something better than this.

Somebody just asked a question?!

Big surprise, she doesn't know the answer.

My coffee is half gone, but I'm still stuck in mental mud. Maybe I should drink some more. Yeah, make me go to the bathroom. A LOT. Bathroom breaks are sweet. Bathroom breaks are the best.

Lawyers in Pennsylvania must do 12 hours of continuing legal education per year, and this is my 2-day extravaganza when I do the whole shebang at once. Problem is, these folks are as lively as rust. If I were talking about tax exempt bonds, I'd throw some random pictures into my Powerpoint presentation. Ducks maybe. Or a platypus.

The platypus is the evolutionary pinnacle of duckness. A mammal which lays eggs! Brilliant!

I'm becoming a fossil right here, right now. Some grad student in 10,000 years is going to brush the dust away from my nostril and sketch me in the dirt.

Now her microphone is cutting out. Kind of like an audio strobe effect, but not in a cool way. She sounds like a dolphin. Perhaps she'd like a fish?

Is it Thursday yet?


LiVEwiRe said...

Yikes. Have you tried to chew off your own arm in an attempt to escape yet? For fun you could try starting a game of charades. perhaps a platypus? (They are genetically tricky buggers, aren't they?) If no one wants to play I'd suggest having a fish for the dolphin, er, speaker.

Anonymous said...

haha... i feel for you. i work for a tax attorney who runs these seminars that cpas and lawyers such as yourself must attend to earn cle/cpe credit. yikes! i organize the damn things and i can't imagine having to be stuck there for hour upon hour listening to crap like jurisdiction and nexus. i practically fall asleep when my boss is speaking to me. lol. good luck to you!

GeL(Emerald Eyes) said...

Hi Jason,
I've seen your comments on my friend Beloved Dreamer's blog and elsewhere in overlapping blog circles, so I popped over for a visit.

Intriguing post. I like the "think outloud writing" and delicious phrases like "mental mud", "as lively as rust", and the philosphical and alliterative
"The platypus is the evolutionary pinnacle of duckness."

In fact, whatever day of the week it is or isn't, I'm computer marking you. (To me, "bookmarking" belongs to tangible books.)

BTW, good luck with those long hours. I'm not an attorney, but I have several friends who are. Sleep deprivation hits me for different reasons. Too bad, hitting me doesn't wake me up when I've finally collapsed. :)

Susan Abraham said...

Jason!!! :-)

No, it's not yet Thursday; not even in Malaysia which is way ahead of the time game. :-)

jenn said...

It's Thursday now!

I'm sorry your were forced to participate in such a painful seminar.

I am NOT sorry that it produced such hilarious ponderings.

Necessity, once again, is the mother of invention.

jenn said...

Oh wait... it's not Thursday... I just wish it was... sorry for that ;)

Jaye Wells said...

A good platypus reference should be included in every public presentation. Sorry you're stuck in Dullsville.

Terri said...

You've given this platypus thing quite a lot of thought, haven't you ?
I wonder if Douglas Adams was in a seminar like yours when he formulated the idea for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?

kcterrilynn said...

Hee! I was just talking to a friend about the platypus...although in addition to the evolutionary wonders of the platypus, we were wondering if two or more are called 'platypi' or 'platypusses'. And yes, we were drinking, why do you ask?

Anonymous said...

It will be a bad dream when it's all over.

billie said...

And just when you can't take anymore - it's over and you're done until next year!


klgilbert said...

hahaha What was boring for you ... you made entertaining for us. You are a wonder! :) K

Anonymous said...

Livewire, somehow the image of my gnawed-off arm dangling from the hinge of a folding table seems fitting. But at least I made it out alive!

Kate, oh yes, you know what I'm talking about! :D

Gel, thanks so much for the visit and the kind words! I stopped over at your blog and will definitely be back. :)

Susan, yeah, even the international date line wasn't going to save me!

Jenn, lol! You know, I was spaced out enough to believe you the first time. Then, I had a Homer moment. Doh!

Jaye, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so. ;)

Terri, that's a great point. I could probably come up with some wild stuff there if I really let myself go.

KC, ha! You know, I actually was going to use the plural, but didn't feel like looking up the proper form. I punted.

Steve, so very true. I have a whole year before it becomes a hard reality again.

Billie, hurray!!!

Kaye, thanks for the smile, my friend. You're always so good at that.

Susan Abraham said...

Jason, I also want to add you can't possibly become a fossil right now. You're going to be a star with your novels and your films. :-)

Hope things get better soon and that you'll have a good rest during the weekend.

Terri said...

Wake Up Jason, it's Thursday! :-)

S. W. Vaughn said...

Can't comment... laughing too hard...

(not AT you, of course, Jason. WITH you. Laughing with you. You are laughing, right?)

Too funny!

Anonymous said...

Susan, what a nice thing to say!! Thanks. :)

Terri, I'm up, I'm up. :D

SW, I know you're laughing WITH me. :D Although I do tend to look pretty pathetic sitting there with a rain cloud pouring down on my head.