Things We Cannot Say
by Beth
Hold the trash bag, pick up the garbage, and put it inside. Bleach and hot water in the bucket, scrub, and wipe with a rag. Bleach will wash away anything. The kids have to see the way it could be, but not this.
How would I answer when they asked where we now lived? “The Indian Village, a mobile home community.” A trailer park. No, I couldn’t say it. It’s not true if I never say it out loud.
*******
I thought about crashing my car into a tree yesterday. I didn’t think about the kids or my wife … just me. My boss said I was the best manager he’d ever had, and then fired me a week later.
I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been paying the bills since I was eighteen years old. I’m almost 40 and I’m scared. I yell at my wife and ignore the kids. How can I tell them? They lost everything because of me.
*******
Dear God, my brother cried last night in his room. We miss our old house and our friends. We don’t want to go to this new school. We’re scared everyone will pick on us for being poor. We know Mom is sad, so we can’t ask her to take us back home. I want to be back in my garden room with the picket fence border I helped her paint. PS, please make daddy talk to us again.
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Get the winners of the first 12 Clarity of Night contests in one place! Extras too!!
Listening for the words in a quiet corner of the night. The fiction, poetry, and photography of Jason Evans.
About Me
- Aine
- Collaborator and night owl.
Past Contests
- "Elemental" Short Fiction Contest
- "Uncovered" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silhouette" Short Fiction Contest
- "In Vino Veritas" Short Fiction Contest
- "Ascension" Short Fiction Contest
- "Running Wind" Short Fiction Contest
- "Whispers" Short Fiction Contest
- "Restless Dawn" Short Fiction Contest
- "Halo" Short Fiction Contest
- "Endless Hour" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silent Grey" Short Fiction Contest
- "Lonely Moon" Short Fiction Contest (with Anne Frasier)
- "Midnight Road" Short Fiction Contest
- "Two Lights" Short Fiction Contest
The Official Compilation!
Get the winners of the first 12 Clarity of Night contests in one place! Extras too!!
Categories
- poetry (193)
- fiction (180)
- vignette (106)
- serial (59)
- lyrics (56)
- personal (52)
- insights (33)
- thoughts (31)
- cemetery (26)
- forest (17)
- nature (16)
- remembrance (16)
- writing (16)
- humor (15)
- beer philosophers (13)
- boating (10)
- experimental (8)
- movie (7)
- music (7)
- INTP (6)
- beatitudes (6)
- Ulrich (5)
- photography (5)
- Nami (4)
- night conversations (4)
- cemetery reflections (3)
- stream of consciousness (3)
- Clarity Notice (1)
- emotion study (1)
Visitors
~clausum~
24 comments:
I just love this! It really speaks to me, me being a product of this kind of upbringing. I relate to the children who just need their daddy, and now, being older, and having had several conversations with my father about is neglect of my siblings, I get it too why a father, feeling the failure, shuts everyone out, ironically because he wants to be more than he is. And of course, the mother who tries against all odds to make a home. I think this is brilliant. You've packed a whopping punch into less words probably than this comment.
Very touching - and interesting veiw points, one after another. Terrific story!
I really like the different perspectives. I think we can identify with all of them. Nice writing.
Thank you so much for the comments. Special thanks to Scott for helping me submit. I felt inferior in this contest and he helped me along.
I love the critiques ... the give and the take of this.
Such an original way to approach this . It was sad and touching. Well done.
Impressive that you can get the different point of views with such a small word count. And even do so effectively. Nice job
BD
Thank you both. I wrote two different ones and Scott said he liked this best. I was worried it might be confusing, but I'm so glad it was not.
Very sad. The ending, with a letter to God from a young child - touching! And that ending: "Please make daddy talk to us again" -- pulls on your heartstrings.
Very nicely done.
the amount of talent shown here makes me want to pull my entry. this is amazing. my favorite so far. ~very~ well done.
Thank you so much, September. I really appreciate your comment.
Heather, this is exactly how I felt this morning. I just finished telling my son I shouldn't have entered. Are we our own worst critics? Thank you so much for writing this to me and about my story.
I just finished reading werewife, and I am amazed at all the different genres here. Your simplicity speaks volumes, of loneliness, of sadness, of disappointment, of human despair. I love it.
PS. Don't you let anyone ever make you feel inferior. There is a place for craft in writing and a place for the straight to the heart, straight from the heart type of writing.
Mermaid, thank you so much. I am my own worst critic. I don't think anyone here has been anything but completely kind. I'm sure of it, actually.
Beth, this is excellent. Three different voices, a lot said in a
few words. You have NOTHING to feel inferior about!
This is really good, my favourite so far, too. You've packed whole lives and three full characters in - well done!
Fran, thank you so much.
Terri, wow, I really am honored. Truly.
You've broken one of the cardinal "rules" of short fiction by not maintaining a single point of view. And you've made it work!
Now that is good writing! As others have commented, you have nothing to feel inferior about.
This is good, because it gives us the story of an entire family - it makes the story very different then if it were just a frustrated man on the end of his rope or confused kids put it in a bad situation.
Yes, I really liked this, and I gave it my second best vote.
Beth - so glad this got an honorable mention. :) Congratulations.
Thank you very much, Shameless!
Septetmber, thank you too. =)
This made me tear up. Your story is my favorite.
Wow. That was really powerful. Each voice is distinct and the observations potent. Using the postal script for the last line was a perfect touch.
A very high scorer overall.
Congratulations on the honorable mention!!
Kaycie, thank you so much. I appreciate it!
Jason", thank you for your review. Much appreciated. Thanks for the HM as well. =)
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