Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Entry #25

It's All Relative
by BD

"Best $1000 bucks you'll ever spend and he guarantees his work. I know it sounds crazy but it may well save your marriage!"

"I don't know," Dan replied skeptically.

"Look, your wife is driving you crazy right?" Constantly, nagging you about stupid stuff?"

Dan couldn't help laugh as Fred did a perfect imitation of his wife.

"Rinse out the dishes before you put them in the dishwasher."

"Pick up your socks."

"Put the seat down!"

"Yada yada yada, it never ends, am I right?"

"Yeah" Dan replied dejectedly.

"Well, THIS is the way to end it! You call the damned number, and in a week or a month ALL that goes away!"

"He isn't going to hurt her is he?"

"No", Fred replied with a chuckle. "It's nothing like that. You bring this guy home to live with you for a while. A long time friend that needs help getting back on his feet right? By the time he leaves she will realize that you are not so bad after all. Here, check this out."

Dan takes the picture and looks in amazement. "Is that your kitchen? That's disgusting!"

"Exactly! That is what he does. Before you know it, your un-rinsed milk glass doesn't seem so bad, and an occasional fart will be funny again."


"Yes really. He's a magician I tell you."

Dan begins jotting down the number.

"By the way, Dianne no longer complains about the sex anymore either."

(When Not writing or working BD consistently shows he is not brilliant on his far from serious blog, Briliant Donkey.)


Jaye Wells said...

BD, this is funny. I love the clever humor.

Scott said...

I really liked the movement and the dialog. Very funny, BD.

Sam said...

Clever! Made me laugh in the end.

Wavemancali said...

Funny BD. Last time your entry was much darker, figures that with a darker picture you'd go lighter side :) shows range.

Joni said...

You funny guy. Me likie.
A golden nugget of humor.

Beth said...

Very humorous. I didn't get the end -- or did I? Does the hired help have bad sex with the wife?

Katherine Napier said...

This is hilarious. It's sharp, fresh, and very entertaining in such a short format. Excellent.

Verilion said...

Very funny. Great dialogue and ends with a great punchline!

Minx said...


September said...

BD - this was very funny. I was laughing but then I got to the end - then I REALLY laughed. Great! LOL

heather said...

see, ~told~ you it was good! it's so typical of what i have come to expect from you. that ever so slightly tilted view of life. :-)

desiderata said...

I like the dark yet humourous ending -- got more than a customer can bargain for, eh? OR is it caveat emptor?

Jude said...

Funny story. Made me smile.

Betty Gordon said...

How many guys would like this "magician" around??
Or maybe reverse?
I love the humor and the ending.

bekbek said...

Excellent! Made me laugh out loud! :) And the pace is just right.

Susan Flemming said...

This made me smile. And then that last line. Maybe it's because I'm a woman reading a story written from male perspectives... but that last line could be read so many different ways.

Perhaps, just perhaps... the experiment has in reality backfired on Fred and he just doesn't realize it yet. Maybe the wife doesn't complain about the sex anymore because she is getting it elsewhere and it's better.

That kind of open-to-interpretation ending makes for an interesting story. Nicely done.

briliantdonkey said...

Thanks for all the kind comments everyone. I am glad you enjoyed it.

"Funny" isn't very easy to find in Jason's contests, but I was determined(probably too much so) to force it in a bit this time.

Scott/Verilion: Thanks, dialogue is something that I have always avoided because I didn't 'know how to do it'. It could use some fixing for sure, but all and all I am happy with the way this turned out.

Sam:"clever, made me laugh in the end" ....if there wasn't already enough proof that I am just 'weird like that', this statement is making me picture your butt laughing which in turn makes ME laugh in the end.

Wavemancali:Thanks, Lighter/funnier(albeit wierdly funny) side comes pretty easy for me. The darker stuff is much harder to do.

Beth: I would say you 'got it' you just might not want to think it was right. I had a few EWWWWW vs HA ha reactions to the ending myself.

Heather: Slightly???? is that a challenge?

Desiderata: Good question of which I myself am not really sure of the answer. On the one hand I think he may not realize yet what he has done. On the other maybe he realizes it and she was SUCH a nag that it is worth it.

Betty: Plenty THINK they would. I suspect when they finally saw what the result was they would be thinking differently though. IF they ever 'got it' at least.

Susan: VERY good points and ones I thought of as well. Actually,My original version had Dan starting to jot down the number then saying something like "wait didn't you say she doesn't complain about the sex anymore either" before tearing it up while fred realized the implications of it. The dialogue and the word count weren't working out in that version so I went this way instead.

Again, thanks for all the kind comments all. I welcome the 'how could it have been done better' comments just as much if not more so. If you have any of those I welcome them(here or over my way or through email if you prefer) Go ahead I can take it.


September said...

congratulations on your honorable mention. This was one of my favorites. :)

Beth said...

Congratulations on the HM, which beats a BM anytime, eh?

Also, thank you for explaining the end. I thought I had it, but I was like, "No, NO, that can't be it!" haha!

jason evans said...

Great humor! Very well set up and delivered. The dialog was spot on.

A high scorer overall.

Congratulations on the honorable mention!!

Susan Flemming said...

>>>>>>>My original version had Dan starting to jot down the number then saying something like "wait didn't you say she doesn't complain about the sex anymore either" before tearing it up while fred realized the implications of it. The dialogue and the word count weren't working out in that version so I went this way instead.<<<<<<

I had the same thing happen to me. There were things I wanted to include but was constrained by the word count. I'm going to let mine sit for a bit and then I'm going to write it in the length that I think it needs.

I was pleased to see that your story got an Honourable Mention, because it was one of my favourites. Congratulations.