Saturday, April 21, 2007

Entry #8

Entry #8
by Jennifer


"It's a real fixer upper," said the real-estate agent. He paused. "I have to warn you, it's just as they left it."

"Who?" I stepped in after him, my eyes taking a minute to adjust to the dim light after the glare outdoors.

"The family that lived here. Don't tell me you never heard about it? I guess you're not from around here."

I started to see details now. The old magazines on the coffee table, a faded doll sitting on the chair, and the table, set for four. I walked over and looked at the dishes, covered in a layer of dust. "What happened to them?"

"No one knows. They just disappeared. The house belongs to a relation who put it on the market last January."

"Four people vanished into thin air?" The kitchen was the saddest room of all. A fly batted itself against the grimy window. Someone had pulled the curtain down, as if snatched away from the sink. I closed my eyes and saw a woman reach out and grab the curtain, as if it would anchor her to the room. But she was whirled backward, out of the room, out of the world. Four people, and not one left to do the dishes. It was, as the man said, a real fixer-upper.

10 comments:

Bernita said...

And this is like the beginning of a great story.

Eddy said...

I agree with Bernita. Interesting concept but it doesn't feel like a complete story.

Jude said...

I agree with Bernita. The image at the end is haunting.

Verilion said...

I love the image of: "not one left to do the dishes..." It certainly keeps one thinking, it could become a much longer piece, but I like it as it is.

kgilbert said...

very sci-fi. spooky feel.

Scott said...

Eeeek. Not sure I'd want to buy that house after that. Who knows what ghosts haunt these halls?

Beth said...

This does feel like the beginning of a spooky Amityville-ish book.

The Wandering Author said...

Four Vanish from Local Home: Ambrose Bierce, his wife Mary Celeste, and their children vanished last night...

Sorry, I couldn't resist. This just felt so much like the accounts I read of the Mary Celeste, and then I thought of who her husband must be...

Seriously, this could be the opening segment of a much longer, very spooky story.

jason evans said...

The cadence of this conversation was good. I got the feel of walking around, broken conversation.

High marks for pacing.

Sam said...

Thank you Jason - and thank you everyone for your kind comments. This was a great learning (and reading) experience!