Saturday, April 21, 2007

Entry #9

Waiting It Out
by Roberta Nolte


She leaned against the refrigerator, arms crossed against her chest, and watched the minute hand as it clicked against the clock face. She tried to remember to breathe. It took effort.

The television was on in the next room. News spots were clamoring that something was wrong at the school. They had spoken with him just last night. He was excited about coming home to this dilapidated trailer for the summer. “Home to the farm…” he’d said. Already a city boy, she knew he had a good heart and realized the sacrifices they had made for him. They’d even bought him a cell phone so they could contact him, or he them.

Panic is a hard emotion to control. Her beating heart beneath her crossed arms raced. There had been a shooting at school and he wasn’t answering his phone. That damn minute ticking against the white face of the clock was going to kill her.

She’d placed the call almost an hour ago.

She started hot water in the sink.

Reaching to fix the curtains, the phone rang. She grabbed the receiver from the wall.

“Hello!”

“Mom…?”

10 comments:

Bernita said...

Of course this has impact because of current events.
I think if you rearranged the order of a few of your sentences,tension would build a little more smoothly.

Roberta said...

Thank you Bernita! I'll look to it!

Sam said...

I like the tension in the story - love the ending. Whew!

Jude said...

Highly topical. I liked the panic paragraph, especially.

Verilion said...

I agree with Bernita that the beginning could do with a little rearranging, but from the 'Panic is a hard emotion to control...' onwards it's really strong. I'm glad he calls home.

Joni said...

So easy for a parent to connect to. One of my biggest fears.

Scott said...

Love the concept. I agree with the others that tension could have been built a little more effectively, but what an ending! Thank goodness. Anyone with kids had to be cringing.

Minx said...

Taps into a fear that we all know or empathise with. Well done, Roberta.

The Wandering Author said...

I certainly felt tension! And relief, at your ending.

jason evans said...

Great build of anxiety with the character trying to control it. Great ending. You didn't have to say one more word.

A high scorer overall!