Friday, July 27, 2007

Entry #16

Weekend Getaway
by Hoodie


Though the top of her sleeping bag was closed so tightly that only her nose could poke through, the incessant buzzing still assaulted her. Every blink stung her smoke-offended eyes as her hips wandered from one rock to another in search of comfort.

“At least it stopped raining,” came the muffled voice of her husband.

“Yeah, just in time for the family reunion of every mosquito in North America. Real romantic, hon.” Contempt oozed from each word like marshmallow from a smore.

Something large and winged hit the tent with an angry thud and she shuddered, rubbing her stocking feet together for warmth. Hair clung to her neck, sticky from her recycled breath.

“This bag smells like gym socks and wet dog.”

Her husband paused. “Sounds kinky.”

The fierce roll of her eyes went unseen. “You’re retarded,” she said, ramming him with both feet.

He shimmied closer to her. “You know, these bags zip together. We could-”

“Not a chance,” she replied flatly. He shimmied away.

Her breath amplified in the ensuing silence as leaves rustled overhead. She watched imaginary lights dancing on her eyelids.

She’d thought Nature Boy was asleep when she heard him curse softly. “Dammit.”

“What?”

“I gotta go.”

A smile tickled her mouth. “Which?”

“Both.”

Envisioning him crouched and exposed among the ravenous insects, she chuckled.

“Where’d you pack the TP?” he groaned.

Wicked laughter filled the tent. Maybe this dumb trip wasn’t a total loss after all.

“I thought you packed it.”

26 comments:

Victor J. Banis said...

very funny - but then, I have a sick sense of humor

takoda said...

Thought it was funny also. But had trouble visualizing "fierce roll of the eyes." ;-)

Hoodie said...

Victor, takoda - thanks
My husband says that if you can't picture it you must not be married. ;)

SzélsőFa said...

Very funny indeed - when I reached the suggestion that the sleeping bags might be zipped together, I laughed.
And I am married:)

Jaye Wells said...

Love it! A great snapshot of married life.

The Quoibler said...

I have to admit this is my fave thus far... and I submitted one earlier! :)

You just really cracked me up on this one. Nice work!

Angelique

The Quoibler said...

(oops... is it wrong to say your favorite...? I just thought of that...)

Angelique

(contrite, if necessary!)

onipar said...

Funny story. i always like when the punchline has something to do with poop. Maybe I shouldn't have admitted to that.

Hoodie said...

thank you, everyone, for your comments and kind words. this is why i enter.

Katherine Napier said...

I've been on this trip, so the fierce eye rolling was easy for me. A very entertaining read, Hoodie.

Beth said...

Before children, this could be a snapshot of camping with my husband. Really loved this. Great laugh at the end.

Jeff said...

Cute story and well written. Thanks for the chuckles.

c.s. said...

funny one that engages. good job!

Hoodie said...

I'm glad the consensus is that it is actually funny. Thank you for your comments.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Oh very wicked - and wickedly funny. A very entertaining story.

angel said...

oh that was so cool!

Sarah Hina said...

hee-hee. I loved this, especially that you worked in a metaphor relating contempt with smores! Nicely written all around.

Great job!

'mbm' said...

Great story and I love the 'wicked laughter' at the end.

JLB said...

Harsh!

Hoodie said...

I appreciate you all reading and commenting. This was a fun piece for me to write.

Thérèse said...

Ha ha ha!

I like your style. I am practically itchy imagining the bugs.

Great piece.

Paul Liadis said...

Very nice and funny piece. It really does describe camping quite well. Extra credit for being funny.

Ann Ostrander said...

Every time I enter one of these, I like to tell the writers I voted for I voted for them and sometimes why. You obviously procured one of my votes. I love a simple story that feels like truth. One that doesn't read like a writer labored over every line, but is just giving a snapshot of every day life. Plus, this was genuinely funny! Great job.

Hoodie said...

Therese and Paul - Thanks so much.

Ann - Wow, I'm honored to be one of your votes. Hearing that feels like winning. Thank you.

Pearl said...

What a different take on the forest. Somehow I don't expect smores were packed either...

jason evans said...

Second half was great. Loved the real dialog and funny interaction. I could totally see it.