Sunday, July 29, 2007

Entry #29

Guide Me Home
by Rob


The blood pools under me, soaking my ragged tunic and turning the dirt into deep red mud.

This isn’t my war. This isn’t my land. This prairie is a sea of grass that drowns me, and I long for the forest like a warm blanket on a cool night.

I had always feared the pain of being stabbed, the tearing of skin and muscle, but that fear was misplaced. The blade slid into my shoulder so easily I thought I’d imagined it.

The pain was just delayed, though, for it came when the blade was pulled out. I felt every inch of it sliding back through the wound, every imperfection of the blade, every notch and scratch in its metal, tugging at the newly exposed flesh. Through that pain, that burning, I could feel battles long past and soldiers long dead. The cold blade screamed against my searing flesh, a silent scream that left my body stiff and trembling.

I see the grove behind my cottage back home. I can feel the beams of warm sunlight shining down through the trees, illuminating the hidden particles of dust floating in the air, like cracks in a wall revealing a glimpse into another world.

A soldier falls with a cry to my right, and the sounds of the surrounding battle come crashing back over me. I lift myself from the ground and feel the hilt of my sword at my fingertips. I will not die here. I will see home again.

15 comments:

Victor J. Banis said...

This really begs to be expanded - but it is the work of a talented writer

Jaye Wells said...

Excellent. I like how you ended on a hopeful note.

Hoodie said...

Bravo! Very well written. The description of the stab wound was brilliant.
This is truly great.

SzélsőFa said...

a nice read and vivid imagination, especially when the blade is being withdrawn - it left me shuddering for a while :)
Interestingly enough, I thought the hero was to die...

Katherine Napier said...

I reread this to find the hope Jaye mentioned, but I still saw it as a spiritual visit home with his last breaths on his way out. Maybe the hope that we'll all get to do that, too?

Rob said...

Thanks for the comments everyone. Very much appreciated!

Jaye Wells said...

Well it's certainly a sign of an intriguing story when people debate what happens. I guess I'm just an optimist.

Jeff said...

Nicely done. I like the emotional quality of this piece.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Vivid, beautifully written and poignant - very real. Really well done.

Verilion said...

That description was so vivid I could almost feel it. And you really drew me in I read the last word and sighed and said: GOOD. Well done.

JLB said...

You can feel the narrator's strength through the words!

Bernita said...

Well done.
And I really like his determination - his damn-your-eyes refusal to die.

briliantdonkey said...

Extremely good job with the descriptions. Especially on the stabbing. I thought it intresting that he didn't feel the entry but felt every ounce of the withdrawing blade. Pretty neat!

BD

jason evans said...

Realism is the focus here. I like the humaness of the emotions and thoughts. Very well written.

High marks!

Congratulations on the Honorable Mention! Well deserved.

Rob said...

Thanks again everyone! I really appreciate your comments and feedback.

And thanks for the Honourable Mention, Jason. It was a lot of fun participating in this contest. Thanks for holding it!