Sunday, July 29, 2007

Entry #30

Crude Awakenings
by Scott Simpson


Waking to that large crack and the tufts that adorn it, the smell of garbage clouding my sinuses and the tickling of something like ants across the back of my neck…

Cold cement pressing sharply flat against my temple like a brick on my face.

The crack seems real and I pull on what grows near it.

I have fallen far, it seems.

The crack is large from this angle- I see that now. The crack isn’t right, and I need to do something to fix it.

Several parts of me hurt- a lot.

I may have broke an ankle and a wrist.

There are too many now to ignore. The one hand I can use can reach them if I take my finger from the crack. Wiping ants from my neck brings a brief relief from that driving-me-crazy feeling. The tickling is now a gritty, soothing skin on skin.

If I had water, I could surely pee right here.

What is it that she said? “You need to stop trying to “fix” everything. The world is full of broken people. When you try and fix me, you make me feel broken.”

The crack is big enough for my smallest finger. I pick at it. My ankle throbs. My wrist throbs. The world seems sharply cold and is pressed against my temple like a brick on my face.

“Get drunk. I don’t care. I’ll catch a cab home where I don’t expect to see you anymore.”

Is that what happened?

10 comments:

Victor J. Banis said...

It's interesting - kind of Kafka - but the characterization is good, and that's hard to do in so few words.

takoda said...

I just love the attention to detail. I keep reading it, and keep liking it. But I'm not sure I get it. I can hear you reading it in a dark, jazzy bar. And everyone snaps their fingers in approval when you're finished.

Jaye Wells said...

I like this. Even though we don't know what really happened it doesn't matter. You hint at it just enough for us to understand him.

Hoodie said...

"When you try and fix me, you make me feel broken."
Genius.

SzélsőFa said...

Quite disturbing imaginery. I liked how it is written. I'm glad not everyone else seem to perfectly understand what's going on - because I don't see it clearly myself. Yet again, I like it.

Rob said...

"I have fallen far, it seems."

I just love this line.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Very clever piece of writing, nice realisation of reality. Strong voice and characterisation.

JLB said...

You effectively crystallized this for me when you include the "what she said" portion - the crack becomes a symbol rather than an obscurity.

Bernita said...

Yes.
What they said.

jason evans said...

Very original concept. The daze after falling perhaps? The broken thoughts help get that across.