Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Entry #50

Just Words
by Nicky Schmidt


The air trembled…. A hundred tiny feet skittered through the undergrowth as a single beam cut through the darkness… far above an angel’s voice sang…

“Marcie! Whaddayadoin’? … I spoke to you woman! Whaddyadoin’?”

She rubbed her temples. He never understood – never would.

Words meant nothing to him – they fled from him. He shunned them.

“Marcie! Dammit woman, I’m speakin’ to you! You at that damn ‘puter? Writing them stories again? Dumb bitch! That crap won’t put food on our table. Stuff you dream up’s rubbish. Nobody’d pay good money for that.”

The air trembled…

“Get me a beer, woman!”

She stood in one fluid movement… slid open the drawer, her fingers searching for the flashlight.

She padded to the kitchen, yanked open the fridge. The can was icy in her grip. She passed the draining board… her hand ran over it - found what it was looking for.

“Marcie! Oh... there y’are.”

She tossed the can at him… flicked the light switch.

Darkness engulfed the room.

“Whatcha do that for, crazy bitch?”

Her finger pushed the button on the flashlight… shone it in his face.

“Put the light on!”

She glided towards him, the single beam trained on his face - slicing through the darkness.

Bemusement flickered in his eyes.

Her movement was swift, sharp. He barely had time to cry out. His gaze fluttered down to his shirt front.

He stared up at her…

“Marcie…”

“Sssh, Ralphie,” she whispered. “Can you hear the angel singing?"

22 comments:

c.s. said...

wonderful and totally engaging! and marcie's pretty cool! great work, Vanilla!

Josh said...

Umm...is it bad if I empathize too much with this one?

Victor Bravo Monchego, Jr said...

One of my favorites in the collection. Thanks

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Thanks CS - really liked your piece!

Erm, Josh - it might be :-)

Thanks Victor!

apprentice said...

Yes this grabs the reader by the throat too!

And I too can empathise with getting hounded off the 'puter.

Marie said...

This is really great. It grabbed me right from the start.

Victor J. Banis said...

Hooray for Marcie! I love trailer park stories (that's a genre, not a location, before anyone jumps on me.)

angel said...

love it! short story perfection!

Anonymous said...

I'm a bit confused. Are they living in the forest? Did she stab him? (blonde moment)

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Very odd, posted this comment yesterday and it never appeared...

Just to say thanks all for your encouraging comments - much appreciated.

And Anonymous - no, they're not living in a forest - she's writing a story about a forest - and yes, she stabs him - think he kinda deserved it... :-)

jenn said...

Vanilla, I loved this piece: it took hold of me from line one. And the last line sent a shiver down my spine :)

ps- I think you're right- he did kinda deserve it ;)

Paul Liadis said...

I liked this. Ralphie actually sounded like my inner critic for a while there :)

'mbm' said...

Excellent switch from the topic. You held me right through to the end while I wondered if she was really going to do it.

SzélsőFa said...

I had to read it twice to get what was going on, but then, I liked it the more.

JLB said...

Fantastic - emotive and fast moving. :)

onipar said...

Wow. I love this one. The way you work in the forest scene as just something your character is writing, and then loop back to those same images at the end...beautiful.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Thanks, all!

Thérèse said...

Vanilla, that was great. I like the clear split screen imagery you create with the two kinds of language.

I liked the end too. Guy had it comin'.

Verilion said...

Oh she's a bit scary that Marcie! Great story Vanilla, loved the contrast of her writing and the reality of her life.

Bernita said...

I'm not fond of Meta moments, but this is particularly well done!

The Quoibler said...

This one made me smile... though I'm not sure if I should be admitting that fact or not! GREAT stuff!

jason evans said...

I hope she writes that story. The dude in the stained t-shirt get it good.