Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Entry #51

Rothar
by Angel


Claudette was so convinced that the dragon was close, she could all but hear it breathing.

Yet the longer she stared into the mottled light and shadow between the trees, the less she could actually see… the small clearing made by the fallen tree was so brilliantly lit by the sun it was blinding- stark contrast to the forest beyond. She slowly stood up to stretch her legs and back. She’d been hunkered down on the round for hours and her feet had gone to sleep! As she painstakingly rose and stretched her arms over her head, trying to make as little sound as possible, the hairs on the back of her arms and neck tingled and stood straight up. She froze in mid-stretch and tried to look around her by moving only her eyes. It had felt like someone (something) had… exhaled on the top of her head…

Deciding she must be imagining things, Claudette gradually lowered herself to the ground again. As she sipped coffee long since cold through a straw so as not to make a noise, she realized she’d been sitting on the damp, leaf covered forest floor for almost 6 hours and she’d seen nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe she’d heard the villagers wrong. Maybe she was in the wrong place. Claudette got up and dusted herself off, deciding to try again tomorrow.

Rothar watched the human female walk away through the trees… he could never get over just how blind humans really were…

21 comments:

Josh said...

Hmm..well that one toppled branch does look like a spiked tail...

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

And there she'd been sitting right under the dragon's nose! Would love to see this as part of something longer, it has lovely potential. Nicely done.
And yep - I agree with that dragon ;-)

Victor J. Banis said...

Lots of fun. Yes, we are blind, aren't we?

onipar said...

Creepy AND funny. I love the last line and how true it is. Nice story.

apprentice said...

This hs a lovely timeless feel to it.

It would be lovely with illustrations.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Wow, that literally sends a chill up my spine!

Chanpheng said...

Nice picture. It's nice that you put a dragon in the picture!

'mbm' said...

You painted a very clear picture here. The dragon was almost on top of her all the time, creepy.

JLB said...

My favorite image is the feeling that something had exhaled on the top of her head!

SzélsőFa said...

quite freaky, this one, in a good way.

angel said...

allbunnies: thank you! thank you! thank you! flattery will get you almost everywhere don't you know...

Katherine Napier said...

Love it.

Allan said...

Rothar is correct! It was nice of him not to eat Claudette.

Thérèse said...

Ha! Just goes to show, you should always trust your first instincts.

I like how you move the story through her emotions. Tense... relaxed... feeling silly for thinking what she had been thinking... then the punch line.

Good job, Angel.

Anonymous said...

The first sentence got me!

angel said...

katherine, allan, thérèse, anonymous: woohooooo! thank you!
PS i just love how most of you liked it as it is- usually i submit something that feels like a first chapter and should be longer!

jenn said...

Just goes to show that we should trust our instincts more...

I loved that the dragon was smirking at her... just biding his time.

Bernita said...

Lovely picture.
I'm with Apprentice - cries out for an illustration.

FunkyMunky said...

Really enjoyed reading this one. I thought it was paced very well and loved the punchline. Well done!

angel said...

jenn: "biding his time", heh heh, i like that- thanx!

bernita: maybe i should work on one, eh?

funkymunky: thank you!

jason evans said...

I liked the unseen watcher. Good think it wasn't hungry!