Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Entry #59

Entry #59
by Emeraldcite

Smoke-ring haloes of golden light spinning around my fingers on my left hand. A cigarette burning down to the filter in my right. I forgot to inhale.

I was only going for a short walk and found myself here. I think I came here to die. I didn’t follow the tread-worn path, took a right at the split tree, blackened from the lightning weeks or months ago. Who knows?

Hell, when I was a kid, I figured I’d be dead by now like the rock stars I idolized.

I spit on the butt of the cigarette, the slight sizzle extinguishing the bit of hot ash.

The brush looks as if the forest has tugged its great carpet out from under me. Splash, into the mudpuddles by my feet. My back dampens. The sky is twisting and disappearing like water going down the drain.

I feel the life leaving me. I feel like a string is tied to my sternum, pulling my chest out through my skin. My back arches, the cigarette rolls away.

A gust of wind lifts the leaves around me. Dazzling.

Then, the darkness comes up over me, a blanket of warmth.


Sarah Hina said...

Wonderful visuals here. Loved the ciggy being extinguished, and the sky twisting, the leaves lifting. Beautifully written, and elegiac, too. I hope for death to be like this!

Victor J. Banis said...

Nice visuals

RachaelfromNJ said...

Very vivid and poetic.

Chanpheng said...

There's a lot in this short piece - jaded modern man getting lost in nature and confronting himself. Good work.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Great imagery, good voice. Well done!

Dottie said...

Great story.

JLB said...

I really like "the sky twisting and disappearing" - most excellent.

SzélsőFa said...

quite imaginative, although a bit disturbing. I liked the way the elements, cigarette, tree(s), sky around were woven into the story.

Bernita said...

Blown away like smoke.
Very nice imagery.
Well done.

jason evans said...

The voice is strong and distinct. I also liked the choice of description. Tight, great writing.

High marks!