Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Daughter


We drank an ice water day
In root maple shade
Where cool combed the hairs on my arms
You swung in your dirt-dragged shoes
And we could have talked
As the day crickets sang
But maybe you'll remember more
How easy the silence played

16 comments:

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

This feels sentimental. Is that correct? Wishful thinking sent into the wind.

I do love the line, "Where cool combed the hairs on my arms". Goosebumps... thats what I think of.

Nice feel to this on Jason.

P.S. I'll remember not to turn my back while on a highway...smiles.

Inside our hands, outside our hearts said...

Typo... the words should say. Nice feel to this ONE...my apologies

Kaycie said...

I love easy silence. Very pretty.

Church Lady said...

But maybe you'll remember more
How easy the silence played


So true. Last year my oldest son (then 8) recapped his spring break as a homework assignment. The only activity he wrote about (though the break was packed with kid activities) was a board game that I played with him. It was one of those easy, quiet days....

Angela said...

Very, very nice, Jason.

pbsweeney said...

So evocative. A pleasure.

twizzle said...

an interesting spot you're in--the in-between. :) Can see it in your writing. I hope you write about the what-now soon. wonderful poem, btw. made me a bit wistful.

The Anti-Wife said...

Have you published your poetry?

The Quoibler said...

Jason:

As a parent, I often catch myself engulfed in blissful silence while sharing a moment with my son. It is those times that are worth more to me than a million freelance contracts.

Just lovely. Make sure you keep it for your daughter to read in 10, 15, 20 years.

Angelique

Jaye Wells said...

Oh those moments are rare. You just want to stop time and wallow in the moment until you're fingers are pruney.

jason evans said...

Inside, it was one of those moments that felt sentimental while living it. I always take notice when I realize I'm experiencing a memory in real time. (No worries on the typo. I make lots.)

Kaycie, thanks. :) There's something very freeing about this time of year.

Church Lady, you must be happy he wrote that. =) I try to remind myself of the power we have to create those moments for our children.

Angela, thanks!

pbsweeney, much appreciated. I was struck by the physical sensations of the day.

Twizzle, maybe I'm in a kind of transition. Our children are in that crossover age. Not little kids anymore, but years to go before they're teenagers.

Anti-Wife, to be honest, I haven't tried (maybe I should). When I was a teenager, I used to submit regularly. These days, my primary focus for publication is novels.

Angelique, that's great advice regarding keeping it. I'd like to do more from time to time. Of course, I need to focus on my younger daughter too. Can't leave her out. ;)

Jaye, very very true. :) That's a perfect way to put it.

ybonesy said...

We drank an ice water day
in root maple shade


I love how that sounds and the picture it paints...

mermaid said...

This is so beautiful. Your poetic description, and your attention to all the women around you (Nature and your daughter).

Vesper said...

Beautiful, Jason - nostalgia for the future... What will happen to these little moments, so beautiful, so quickly taken from us by the hands of Time? Some things will stay forever - a gesture, a feeling, a silence...

jason evans said...

ybonesy, thanks. :) I wanted to get across the feeling of cool air and hot sun.

Mermaid, I try to be open to as many perspectives as I can. :)

Vesper, so true. Perhaps through these poems, I'm attempting to capture a ghost of the moment which will live on even when the memory fades.

wordtryst said...

What a beautiful poem. Reminds me of a morning when my son was little and we were kept back by the weather, then decided to just stay home from school/work. Turned out to be just such a day, and one I'll never forget.