Thursday, November 08, 2007

Entry #13

Phoenix Rising
by Jaye Wells

I am pinned to the ground. My hands and feet throb, but the stake through my heart burns like hellfire. I lift my head, watching the sky gradually lighten. My nemesis, the sun, spreads its pink wings across the horizon. Already, my eyes water and my skin feels coated in acid.

How the villagers trapped me remains a mystery. One minute, I feasted on the sweet blood of a virgin. The next, an angry horde carried me through the town and into the forest. Torchlight glinted off pitchforks and cruel faces as they gave me the vampire stigmata.

Now, I am alone, save the celestial demon rising in the east. Each second, the sky morphs from calming black into deadly blue. The skin on my face is dissolving. I grit my fangs and plan my revenge.

Intense heat consumes me in a burst of pleasure-pain. My soul breaks free and rises into the ether. Now, I am a bloodthirsty phoenix. I soar toward the ball of fire and taunt its impotent rays.

To the villagers, the scorched carcass below will be a prize. They will feast this day and on into the night. Virgins will feel safe again, and their mothers will sing to the gods.

Foolish mortals. They’ll soon learn the scorched pile of bone is naught but a memento mori.

Tonight, I shall make my home in the nubile body of one of those virgins. Then, the villagers will finally know the true meaning of terror.


Sarah Hina said...

Wow, we did get our vampire story!

And such a well-crafted, beautifully wrought ("celestial demon", oh yeah) one, too. I love all of the sensory elements here, and the ominous promise of revenge. Excellent story, Jaye.

strugglingwriter said...

You worked in your vampire story :)

I liked this one a lot as well. Very well written.

Jerry Allen said...

Very well done...working in the vampire like that! I loved the ending.

Angela said...

oooh, I just love vampire stories, especially ones where the vampires take revange, i.e, Anne Rice. Love it.

SF Johnston said...

Okay, here's the thing. I don't like vampire stories. At all.

But your story had me riveted to the screen from the very beginning.

An immediate, compelling setting, the awesome "celestial demon" line, the humor (gritted my fangs!!!), the poetic feel (calming black to deadly blue).

Then the end, which brought everything full circle in a truly scary way.

I kept waiting for the part that would make me say "See? That's why I hate vampire stories."

That part never came.

Not only did you win me over despite my biases, but I think that this is one of the best stories that I have ever read at The Clarity of Night.

Jaye Wells, you rock.

I'm going Goth.


Jaye Wells said...

SF, your money is in the mail. ;) Seriously, thank you all for your comments.

Josh said...

Interesting twist on the usual mythology. Is this an aspect you made up on your on or a vampire trait that I've overlooked in other stories?

Jaye Wells said...

Josh, I enjoy turning the accepted myths on their heads and creating my own rules.

The Quoibler said...


You rule the writing world... and apparently the nether world of vampires, too.

"Fangs" for such a great read! (ha ha ha)

(Is it obvious I stayed up half the night to meet deadlines?)


wrath999 said...

I like vampire stories and you foudn a unique way of bringing one out using the prompt. I enjoyed it

Church Lady said...

Well-written! Creative use of the picture--very fun read!

I loved this phrase "virgins will feel safe again" but felt it was too buried within your text. It somehow needs more spotlight, imho!

The Anti-Wife said...

The virgins may feel safe, but I'm scared to death! Good job.

Beth said...

I enjoy vampire stories, but only good ones. Let me just say, I enjoyed yours. Interesting take on a sometimes tired subject.

Bernita said...

Delight with your neat little touch-twists and sly wit, Jaye!
"celestial demon, gritted my fangs", etc.

Hoodie said...

I always count on you deliver, Jaye. Less humor in this than in the past, but no less enjoyable. Very smart indeed. I applaud you.

raine said...

Oh very nice. Love the twist on the vampire mythology. ;-)

jason evans said...

The vampires really don't want that little bit of knowledge to get out. Much better to keep them in their bodies. Burying them under water works, right? Forget about burning them. That's going from the fire into the frying pan.