Just Another Monday Morning in Hell
by Angelique H. Caffrey
The flames were high and the clouds blood-red as Satan drove his hybrid to work.
“Any news, Mabel?” he asked his wiry, red-haired assistant after putting away his trident.
“Nope,” she announced. “But you do have a ten o’clock with Stalin.”
“Damn.” Satan sighed. “He’s a pain in the ass.”
Mabel nodded, idly fingering her demon-themed earrings, last year’s Secretary’s Day gifts. “Yeah. But what are you gonna do?”
Satan grinned and shrugged. He liked Mabel. She had slaughtered three husbands and one repairman by using kitchen utensils. A blender here, a cheese grater there. Mabel was one of the few people he trusted.
“Has Lizzie returned my calls?” he asked.
“Naw.” Mabel rolled her green eyes. “What a bitch. I wish you’d give her ‘the axe’.” She smiled wickedly.
Satan roared with laughter. “Mabel, you’re such a ‘cut up’!” His piercing eyes danced with joy.
A persistent rapping at the door interrupted their delight. Satan and Mabel exchanged quick glances. “Stalin,” they said in unison.
“Shit.” Satan desperately needed a skinny latte, not a dialogue with the washed-up dictator. “Mabel, tell Stalin I’ll see him tomorrow. I can’t deal with him today.”
“Gladly,” she said. “And if case he gets pissy, I always have this…”
The newly-polished corkscrew gleamed under the fiery sky.
Satan hugged her warmly, singeing her eyebrows. “You’re the best.”
Mabel pushed him away. “Get to work, you devil!” She turned her radio up.
“Stairway to Heaven”. Again.
Just another Monday morning in Hell.