Thursday, November 08, 2007

Entry #15

Morning
by Precie


“Morning, Mommy!”

The 3-yr-old’s voice chirped through the baby monitor. Paul pulled the down comforter over his head to block out the increasing brightness. Only a little kid could be that happy this early in the morning. Although Mikey had outgrown the need for a monitor, his early morning sing-song made the best alarm clock.

“Ooh are my sunsine. My onny sunsine. Ooh make me happeeee when sky-y gway.”

He could hear Mikey’s little feet pit-pat around the room, probably sorting through books and toys, looking for today’s can’t- live- without. All he wanted was to go back to sleep.

Suddenly, a sharp “Daddy!” bellowed through the monitor and the walls. Again. Louder. He forced himself out of bed and shrugged into a sweatshirt from the pile by the nightstand.

“Still sleepy time, buddy. It’s too early. Let’s get you back in bed.”

“Daddy!” A short blonde rocket launched at him from the rocking chair in the corner. “I saw Mommy!”

“You did? In our picture, right? There she is. Like we talked about.”

“No!” Mikey went and pointed out the window. “Right up dere!”

“Those are clouds, sweetheart.”

“Mommy was right dere. Mommy waved. Mommy flied in da sky.” Mikey’s round face pressed against the glass.

He couldn’t help it. Kneeling, he pressed his own face against the glass and stared in same direction.

“Don’ cry, Daddy. All gone.” Mikey spread his hands wide like a magician's flourish at the reveal. “Mommy all gone now. ‘kay?”

23 comments:

Sarah Hina said...

Oh, gosh, this one almost made me tear up.

What really made the ending work is that the child's voice, and father's thoughts, were so authentically drawn that we were ready to take that leap. Wonderfully bittersweet.

Jaye Wells said...

Oh, man. You sure know how to tug at the heartstrings. The dialogue is wonderful and real.

Jerry Allen said...

"almost tearing up"?? I AM tearing up. that was great!

Angela said...

Incredible. Very poignant and touching.

SzélsőFa said...

That got me, really.

sandra said...

Beautiful! A child's heart see so clearly, and you've captured that beautifully.

wrath999 said...

Very powerful and beautifully written

c.s. said...

i love the realism of this story. great work!

Church Lady said...

Very beautiful and sentimental. Well done! One of my favorites so far! :-)

The Anti-Wife said...

Wonderful and very realistic.

Beth said...

Like the others, I found this so realistic, yet so painful. The pain is that it could happen and the child's voice is utter perfection.

Bernita said...

Sweet and sad, yet hopeful.

Precie said...

Thank you all so much for your encouraging responses!

ms.camptown said...

Very sad and lovely. Even little phrases like "today's can't-live- without" gives this a melodic feel.

Hoodie said...

Beautifully written. As a mother of young children it was particularly poignant for me, especially the right-on description of a child in the morning.

Nithya N said...

beautifully written. the dialogues charged with a kid accent adds a perfect touch.

Ello said...

Precie - this was so good. Just so so very good! And so poignant. I loved it.

SzélsőFa said...

Precie, I would have loved seeing your entry getting higher, I loved it so much. So full of life, so close to reality!
Congratulations!

Sarah Hina said...

Congratulations on your placement, Precie. You captured innocence, and loss, so beautifully. Well done!

Church Lady said...

Congratulations!! I loved this one very much! :-)

Church Lady said...

I forgot to say, "You contest maniac, you!!!" LOL! :-)

Precie said...

CL--I'm even worse than it appears. Completely pathological. :)

Thank you all for your praise and well wishes! I'm honored!!!!

jason evans said...

I liked the natural pacing and the realistic dialog from the boy. The second to last paragraph was perfectly executed.

Congratulations on winning 5th Place!!