Morning
by Precie
“Morning, Mommy!”
The 3-yr-old’s voice chirped through the baby monitor. Paul pulled the down comforter over his head to block out the increasing brightness. Only a little kid could be that happy this early in the morning. Although Mikey had outgrown the need for a monitor, his early morning sing-song made the best alarm clock.
“Ooh are my sunsine. My onny sunsine. Ooh make me happeeee when sky-y gway.”
He could hear Mikey’s little feet pit-pat around the room, probably sorting through books and toys, looking for today’s can’t- live- without. All he wanted was to go back to sleep.
Suddenly, a sharp “Daddy!” bellowed through the monitor and the walls. Again. Louder. He forced himself out of bed and shrugged into a sweatshirt from the pile by the nightstand.
“Still sleepy time, buddy. It’s too early. Let’s get you back in bed.”
“Daddy!” A short blonde rocket launched at him from the rocking chair in the corner. “I saw Mommy!”
“You did? In our picture, right? There she is. Like we talked about.”
“No!” Mikey went and pointed out the window. “Right up dere!”
“Those are clouds, sweetheart.”
“Mommy was right dere. Mommy waved. Mommy flied in da sky.” Mikey’s round face pressed against the glass.
He couldn’t help it. Kneeling, he pressed his own face against the glass and stared in same direction.
“Don’ cry, Daddy. All gone.” Mikey spread his hands wide like a magician's flourish at the reveal. “Mommy all gone now. ‘kay?”
Thursday, November 08, 2007
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23 comments:
Oh, gosh, this one almost made me tear up.
What really made the ending work is that the child's voice, and father's thoughts, were so authentically drawn that we were ready to take that leap. Wonderfully bittersweet.
Oh, man. You sure know how to tug at the heartstrings. The dialogue is wonderful and real.
"almost tearing up"?? I AM tearing up. that was great!
Incredible. Very poignant and touching.
That got me, really.
Beautiful! A child's heart see so clearly, and you've captured that beautifully.
Very powerful and beautifully written
i love the realism of this story. great work!
Very beautiful and sentimental. Well done! One of my favorites so far! :-)
Wonderful and very realistic.
Like the others, I found this so realistic, yet so painful. The pain is that it could happen and the child's voice is utter perfection.
Sweet and sad, yet hopeful.
Thank you all so much for your encouraging responses!
Very sad and lovely. Even little phrases like "today's can't-live- without" gives this a melodic feel.
Beautifully written. As a mother of young children it was particularly poignant for me, especially the right-on description of a child in the morning.
beautifully written. the dialogues charged with a kid accent adds a perfect touch.
Precie - this was so good. Just so so very good! And so poignant. I loved it.
Precie, I would have loved seeing your entry getting higher, I loved it so much. So full of life, so close to reality!
Congratulations!
Congratulations on your placement, Precie. You captured innocence, and loss, so beautifully. Well done!
Congratulations!! I loved this one very much! :-)
I forgot to say, "You contest maniac, you!!!" LOL! :-)
CL--I'm even worse than it appears. Completely pathological. :)
Thank you all for your praise and well wishes! I'm honored!!!!
I liked the natural pacing and the realistic dialog from the boy. The second to last paragraph was perfectly executed.
Congratulations on winning 5th Place!!
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