Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Entry #53

Blood in the Sky over Paramaribo
by Victor Bravo Monchego, Jr.


A rooster crowed but the woman slept, sutured with boiled thread, calmed by morphine. Etienne washed his hands in a pan. He sipped on a ginger Thrill®. He was not a real doctor. He was closer to a tree surgeon. He was a logger. They came to Etienne when there was an accident in the camp.

Etienne met the woman on his first leave from the camp. Etienne paid the woman and then tipped her the rest. Her affections for him were strictly professional. He always returned to camp penniless. This woman was his weakness.

This time, he could not find the woman. He searched. Without his beautiful vice, there was nothing to do with his wages. He sat on the church steps. He despaired.

His cohorts came to him. "She needs a doctor."

Etienne handed his money to a man and said, "Get the doctor." To the other fellow he said, "Take me to her."

Etienne rushed to the house. The real doctor never came. The bad fellow stole the money.

Etienne could not wait. He set to work but the baby was born still after many hours. He bundled the lifeless boy in a shirt. The cold package sat on a plastic chair by the door. Only Etienne had seen the caudal appendage. Etienne had been born with a vestigial tail, too.

10 comments:

Sarah Hina said...

Very surprising unveiling at the end. "The cold package sat on a plastic chair..." gave me a little chill. You were able to pack a lot of history between these characters into a short space, and yet still leave some mystery.

Very engaging read!

Dottie said...

So glad you made it to the party. The story is flawless. You never disappoint, Vic. It even has a fable-like feel. Perhaps the moral lesson could be: getting tail gets tail."

Beth said...

I'm with Sarah at the "cold package" line. It's just a great one.

Victor Bravo Monchego, Jr said...

Thank you all for reading. I look foward to reading all the stories this weekend.

Jaye Wells said...

Very well done. I love the tail detail.

Church Lady said...

This is a bit macabre for my taste, but I really enjoyed it nonetheless!
Great writing, and a lot of story within a short space. Kudos.

raine said...

His despair is palpable. Very sad, very effective, very well-written.

Ello said...

Oooh, I liked this alot! Well done!

Vesper said...

Very good story! I find the briefness of the sentences very suitable to convey the cold despair and sense of finality.

jason evans said...

A curious and memorable ending. It gives a dark tinge to the story. Effective!