Thursday, November 08, 2007

Entry #9

My Last Cloudy Thought
by Scott Simpson


My last dying thought eludes me like an open sky. Moribund am I and soaked in medicine and morphine. They can pickle me and jar my organs if they so desire. They can treat me like the fatuous fat man I‘ve become and the fraudulent fighter I know I am.

They can assume all they want about me in their deranged and helpful hearts. My desire to live, for example. My desire to die.

But they can’t take from me my knowledge of what my last thought came to be.

I own that knowledge as my last refuge.

I wait for it.

I try and steer myself away from memories.

“She was an evil cunt with a slim waste and an eye for a wad of cash. “

“You were a father steeped in tradition and as cold as a block of ice.”

“My daughter. You brought this on yourself. “

“Oh, my brother! How could you have done this to your flesh and blood?”

I try.

“There is a stream that runs about the back of the barn. There you will find the tiny steelhead, and the water-skippers and the svelte tree frogs.”

“The sky there opens up at night, and rumbles and shoots stars.”

“The nature there is solace in a cloudy afternoon… The storms of our souls may wrestle there.”

“I have wet myself again.”

“Good God, please don’t let that thought be it!”

8 comments:

Josh said...

Love the last line.

Sarah Hina said...

I love the running montage of someone's final thoughts, and the battle between his will and those creeping memories. I really hope that's not it for him, either.

SzélsőFa said...

this is truly realistic, and it makes it even more depressing...or liberating...

Church Lady said...

I don't know if someone that close to death has enough fluid in their body to make urine.
That blew it for me.

Otherwise, I can tell you're a very good writer, and I enjoyed it up until the last two lines.

Beth said...

The wonder of death as seen through watching two people die, one of whom I loved, there is no true dignity in it. It's all bodily fluids, beeping machines, and nurses who ask for things like dentures when they should just be keeping quiet.

Very realistic if a person had most of their faculties.

Hoodie said...

This reminds me of what goes on in my head before I fall asleep, which is sometimes a great while.")

I enjoyed the premise. There's some great writing here.

Victor Bravo Monchego, Jr said...

Nice writing. Like good scotch.

jason evans said...

I like the mix of thoughts leading to the end. Stream of consciousness can be such an effective tool to build a sense of character quickly.