Friday, February 22, 2008

Entry #16

by Scott Simpson

“Where was it?”

“Right beneath the tree, buried maybe a foot.”

“How much you figure’s there?”

“Dunno. Maybe twenty, maybe more.”

“Dang. That’s many.”

“Enough for the man on the dock, I reckon.”

“You think he’d take ‘em like that?”

“Sure why not?”

“They’s heavy. And dirty.”

“We could clean ‘em up some.”

“Okay. Will it be enough for both?”

“Don’t see why not. He’s just turning his head.”


“And it don’t cost no more if you is only turning it once.”


“We could take ‘em to town and turn ‘em in.”

“What? No!”

“Just to get paper, moron! Not “because“! Just to make it easier to carry.”

“I don’t know... I don’t like it when it’s paper. I can’t trust that it’ll keep like when it’s copper.”

“The guy on the dock might want to put it in his pocket, in case someone’s looking.”

“He can just put ‘em next to him and sit on the box. No one’s gonna ask- “What’s in the box?””

“We could paint the word “bait” on the side.”

“Yeah! Bait! Like he‘s fishin‘!”

“And leave the dirt and just toss in some worms. That way, if someone looks in, all they’ll see is dirt and worms.”

“Yeah. I’m likin’ it! But... “


“What if there’s another guard?”

“Whaddya mean?”

“On the ship? What if we can’t sneak on?”

“Then we ain’t going to no Norway.”

“What’ll we do with all them pennies, then?”

“Bury ‘em. Back out by that tree.”


JLB said...

This one is very different - well done. I like your strict use of dialog here - it works nicely!

Beth said...

I agree, very well done and believable!

DBA Lehane said...

The purity of the dialogues makes this very pacey and snappy.

paisley said...

excellent dialog... puts me in mind of huck finn.....

Missy said...

$20 in pennies, huh? Gosh, I'm itching to know more! Delightful banter.

Sarah Hina said...

Bold move in making this purely dialogue. It flowed very nicely, and with a real colloquial flare.

I really liked the lighter nature of this one, and the "bait" idea was a great touch. Nicely written!

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

Excellent use of snappy dialogue to create an intriguing and pacey story, Well done!

BernardL said...

A believable flavor of realism.

pjd said...

Liking it a lot. The voice carries so much in their accents and your word choice.

Not sure of their age. Early on I thought they were older, but when I saw Norway I figured they must be little kids.

Bernita said...

I especially like the peculiar, practical logic about only turning his head once.

bluesugarpoet said...

Immediately, this made me think of either prisoners or run away slaves from the 1800s conspiring to escape their circumstances. Norway is just as good as any place - particularly when it is far away. The dialog is captured perfectly and sounds as if it could have been written by Twain or Eudora Welty. Well done!

Marcia (MeeAugraphie) said...

Bait, Norway, copper. All combined to make a fun read.

Aerin said...

I am so in awe of you dialogue writers; kudos, kudos.

jason evans said...

A nice glimpse into a larger story. I love the "bait" idea. Those little sparkles in a story raise it to something higher. High marks!

Aine said...

Great job with dialogue! These two sound like a classic duo. I'd love to see what happens next!