Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Entry #5

Skyline
by Bernard DeLeo


“Quit daydreamin’ Jack. Pull the fencing tight!”

Jack shifted leather gloves up on his hands before working the chain grab wire tensioner. Looking at the barren tree on his left, Jack shivered as the branches fluttered softly in the icy March wind. Had it been only last September when he stood beneath rainbow colored leaves near the same tree, holding Kathy’s hand while she dumped him like a used Kleenex, Jack wondered. Visions of fixing fence the spring before, when tree, hillside, and his attitude were all green and fresh, flashed unbidden through Jack’s mind. A blonde haired woman, riding along the skyline on a roan horse, had paused to watch Jack work.

Instant attraction, Jack grinned ruefully down at his hands where he held the tensioner. He remembered Kathy riding down the hillside to introduce herself, turning his eighteen year old world upside down. They had shared a meal and small talk under the splendidly emerald tree, an early spring having dressed it in scent and majesty. Jack shook his head, trying to shake free the blazing summer memory: clutching Kathy’s trembling body under the shade tree with such intensity, they had lost all sense of time and surroundings. Jack turned away, recalling how he had huddled under the tree’s naked branches in two feet of snow, trying to ease his shattered soul.

“Hey, Jack, we got company.”

Jack looked up where his partner pointed. Beyond the tree, a blonde woman rode toward them on a roan horse.

26 comments:

Sarah Hina said...

The start of spring should be a time for second chances. I hope it works out for Jack this time.

Your piece nicely evoked my sympathy, Bernard. I enjoyed seeing their relationship through the seasons. Well done. :)

Remiman said...

Jack,
Very strong, and evocative of similar times in my life.
You've put a ton of scene in 250 words!
rel

Mystico said...

Interesting and VERY descriptive story.
I've always wondered how a woman riding on a horse looks like.
It should be impressive.
Well done on the story.

paisley said...

uh oh... did somebody hit the rewind??????

JLB said...

You pack a lot of character depth into this small space, which I really like!

sandra seamans said...

Love how you took us through all the seasons, then back to spring and maybe a new beginning. Nice!

Jaye Wells said...

I agree with the others: the seasonal symbolism is nicely utilized. I hope it works out for them this time.

Bernita said...

oh, nice!
As if she were a Persephone, a witch of seasons.

DBA Lehane said...

This reminds a little of the Magnus Mills novel 'The Restraint of Beasts' in a strange way. I like the fact you have brought the fence into play in this story.

BernardL said...

I appreciate all your gracious comments, and for taking the time to make them.

Beth said...

I love the theme of patient love -- for all time and all seasons. Someone before me wrote you put a lot of time in 250 words -- that's it exactly.

Missy said...

I am impressed with your use of the entire scene - the tree, the fence, the skyline. The seasonal imagery is beautifully descriptive. You left not a scrap on the plate. Seconds?

pjd said...

Some lyrical writing here.

After just reading the one about the strangulation by the stranger, I am wondering if this blond woman on the roan horse at the end is actually bearing down with a loaded and ready shotgun.

ChristineEldin said...

Romantic and hopeful! I love your descriptions!

pattinase (abbott) said...

Restful and restless at the same time. Nicely done.

BernardL said...

Thanks for the feedback, and no shotgun, pjd. :)

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

A slightly whimsical, poignant and hopeful piece of writing, very beautifully done. Your characterisation is powerful.

SzélsőFa said...

Like others stated, the use of all available elements of the landscape makes the reading feel like watching a great canvas of time.

bluesugarpoet said...

"when tree, hillside, and his attitude were all green and fresh" - haven't we all been there?! Yes, I like how the tree mirrors his place in life - once naive, but a bit barren now...and yet...who is that in the distance?

raine said...

Oh, very nicely done, Bernard!
Love the changing of the relationship mirrored by the landscape, the coming of the new. And he'll fall again, oh yes he will. ;)

JaneyV said...

Great story woven beautifully with the seasons. I loved the journey Jack took from "all green and fresh" to having a "shattered soul." I hope she's gentle with him second time around.

I love a good story, me!

Aerin said...

I couldn't help but think of Kirk and Antonia. A sweet little love story you've got here!

BernardL said...

Thanks again for taking the time to comment. :)

wrath999 said...

Enjoyed it very well written!

jason evans said...

His haunted thoughts came through well. He probably feels like he's seen a ghost.

Aine said...

Run , Jack, run! :)

I like how the tree triggered such detailed memories and physiological response (shivering). I hope they can make it work this time.