Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Entry #50

The Song Of Spring
by Raine Weaver


He loved the innocents best of all.

Children of the conquered land, weeds spread by wind, they grew spindly and rootless in the hills. Their ignorance fed his fervor, and their naiveté lingered in the memory of his loins.

He easily lured her to the tree. “Your people sang my Song. The Song of Spring. I am He, who crawls from beneath these roots, whispering promises of warmth.”

“Tales for frightening children.” Her feet were wrapped in rags, but her chest was budding and ripe.

“You sang my Song. I am here.” Rust-red hair, like the scavenging birds that cleansed the earth of carrion and gathered on the upper branches.

“’Tis truth?”

“Frightened child. Poor girl.” He raised a hand in blessing. “Worship me, and I will bring you Spring.”

She dropped to her soiled, battered knees. “With the loss of the elders, we now sing a different Song.”

“Poor girl.” He trembled, prying his zipper apart. “Teach me your Song. I will teach you truth.”

“We sing not of warm hope, but cold revenge. Not of worship, but of blood. And that the whispers of the tree are not promises…but warnings.”

The limbs drooped with fowl. He stiffened and made to scream as they descended in dark fury, burnished wings beating out the last frigid lash of winter.

She smiled and drank in the bloated sun. This day would be longer than the last. Still time for another to share his Song.

She loved the innocents best of all.

26 comments:

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

Powerful story-telling! I loved the dark imagery you created and the revenge exacted. Beautiful, dramatic and poetical writing. Really well done. Bravo!

sandra seamans said...

Nicely done!

j.c. montgomery said...

I love being led one way, only to find myself turned in another. It takes skill to manipulate a reader through the narrative in such a way they do not realize where they have been led, until they are finally there. Thank you. This was wonderful.

BernardL said...

Yikes! :)

Sarah Hina said...

Raine, this is so taut and explosive. I love the richly layered storytelling here, and the wonderful twist to the ending.

Gorgeous, dark imagery throughout. I knew while reading that I was in the hands of a master.

Rob said...

Love how you tied the beginning and ending together, good job!

Jaye Wells said...

Excellent use of bookends. I love the twists and the imagery. Your use of language is poetic.

Beth said...

Yikes is right! Now there's two creepy girls.

Remiman said...

Raine,
Poor innocents. :(
To weave anticipation in so few words is a gift.
rel

Hoodie said...

Ooh, very nice turn around. Woven like a master.

Ello said...

Excellent! I loved the symmetry of beginning and ending but with such different outcomes. This was really well done!

Precie said...

What a great and masterful twist!

Bernita said...

Just Excellent!
Rich, gorgeous and triple layered.And satisfying!

JLB said...

This is a love invocation of the forest - a nicely closed circle.

Aerin said...

Well, I am not sure what I just read. I have read the words over and over, drinking in their richness - it's a gorgeous piece of narrative poetry, of deep song. And I get that there's the twist. Otherwise, I'm not sure what happened. And I don't really care. The language is hugely satisfying in itself. Beautiful

raine said...

Thanks, everyone, for your very kind comments and feedback. Much appreciated from this great group of writers!

SzélsőFa said...

This was frightful in many ways. I had to reread it to discover what was going on in the second half of the story. Masterly written, no doubt about it, though.

Posolxstvo said...

I didn't think it was frightening - I found it satisfying. That she was preying on predators - something about that seemed somehow appropriate. It was clear and vivid throughout, yet lyrical as well. Thank you for this.

Gnewvegan said...

Very well written.

Dottie said...

I also liked the sinister feel. This is very well written.

raine said...

Again--thanks to all for taking the time to comment, since this contest was so full of really exeptional entries.
And thanks, Jason, for doing this!

bluesugarpoet said...

I love that she had the upper hand - the innocent is not so innocent, eh? Nice turn!

c.s. said...

one of the best around now!

jason evans said...

The mythos was rich. I enjoyed the interaction of the two characters. Powerful story! Well done.

Aine said...

I love the dark fairytale feel, the use of "Song" and "children of the conquered land". I believe she is a leading the revolution-- the children will create a brighter, safer world for themselves. Such fools men can be!

I loved this!

raine said...

Thanks for the comments, everyone, and for the wonderful contest, Jason and Aine.