Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Entry #51

Holding On
by Precie

Now I see halos everywhere, bright white auras around everything.

When I tell Andrew this, he starts cleaning the living room, picking up shoes and newspapers scattered by the front door, pushing the ottoman against the sofa. His frenetic movements produce a dizzying psychedelic show.

“I’m just seeing halos, sweetie. I’m not blind,” I say, half-joking.

His inability to look at me is his only response.

“Let’s get some fresh air. How about a walk?” I suggest.

“Are you sure you’re up for it?” he asks.

I respond by raising my eyebrows.

We walk in silence. Andrew grips my hand tightly. I smell moist earth. The fields around us are thawing, waking, welcoming life. When we reach the tree, we sit. Leaning against the rough bark, we watch the clouds drift across the sky. It’s a shame that he can’t see the world radiating as I do.

Andrew speaks first.

“I can’t lose you.”

“You promised you wouldn’t go all Love Story on me,” I tease.

Then I see his face. I see his puffy eyes, the subtle vertical lines left by tears, all outlined faintly in glowing white.

I cradle his head in my lap, lulling him as I would a child.

“Everything will be all right, sweetheart. I’m right here. I will always love you. And doctors aren’t always right.”


Beth said...

Precie, your pieces always get me right in the heart. (not easy to do as I'm the official ice queen!)

Sarah Hina said...

Yes, this is so poignant and bittersweet, Precie. I love the depiction of the "halos" as something lovely, even if life-threatening.

Beautiful portrayal of marriage, and the love that binds. Great work!

Ello said...

Another piece that brought tears to my eyes. Such a beautiful story. I loved it. I loved their relationship and how you depicted the halos radiating the world. That was lovely.

Bernita said...

A touching piece, told with firmness and without maudlin sentimentality.

ChristineEldin said...

Heartwrenching and so sadly romantic. Beautifully written. I think it's sentimental without being overdone.
Very, very nice.

JLB said...

Very nice - incorporates all the senses.

Precie said...

Thank you all for your encouraging comments!

beth--ooh, thank you! Maybe next time, I'll try to make you laugh instead!

sarah--Thanks! This, frankly, is my first bit of writing to depict a successful relationship.

ello--Thank you! ditto what I said to beth and sarah. :)

bernita and chris--Thank you both! Sentimentality was one of my biggest concerns when writing this. So I'm very pleased that it doesn't go overboard.

jlb--Thanks! Of course, after I submitted it, I started thinking of other sensory details I could have added. LOL!

And thanks again and again to Jason and Aine for this contest! This is such a great community of writers!

BernardL said...

Good read.

Aerin said...

Precie, love, this is smooth - fluid, warm, with just a bit of a kick - I feel like I need a nicely aged brandy to go with it. It's perfect.

raine said...

Very moving, without going over the top.
Admire your female character tremendously.
Well written, Precie!

SzélsőFa said...

What a beautiful and touching description - it makes me hope dostors are wrong this time, too!

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

Poignant, moving and bittersweet writing which really pulls at the heartstrings. Very nicely done.

puresunshine said...

nice read. as someone said bittersweet.

puresunshine said...

nice read. as someone said bittersweet.

Posolxstvo said...

I like the contrast between them, and the portrayal of his helplessness. I have felt that way before. Fortunately not for that reason.

Precie said...

Thank you all so much! I appreciate all your comments!

Linda Courtland said...

What a beautiful and sensitive story. And it's true, doctors aren't always right. Great job.

bluesugarpoet said...

I identify with the nervous cleaning, lol. It's exactly what I do when I can't do anything else. Achingly painful story, yet there is a glimmer of hope still. Nicely done.

jason evans said...

Heart-wrenching. One of my great fears--preparing for a death slowly. Very, very well executed. It would have been easy to be melodramatic, but this felt perfectly real. Highest marks.

Congratulations on 3rd Place!!

Gay Degani said...

Precie, Beautiful flash. Congrats.

Aine said...

I'm so grateful that I can comment via typing because every time I read this I get choked up. The reference to Love Story is so effective. And, I love to read stories about successful relationships that are realistic rather than sappy. Great job!

Precie said...

Thank you all so much for your responses! It means a lot to me that so many of you were moved by this piece. And I'm honored to have placed!