Point of View
by Therese
It had happened. It was happening. It had happened. After weeks, months, years of waiting, of forming him into the man she wanted, it had happened: a proposal.
She looked down at the man kneeling at the base of the swaying old poplar. He smiled as he waited for what was sure to be her enthusiastic "yes!"
She thought of the time she had patiently wasted. Eight years. Seven months. Four days. He was now romantic and sincere, but she was dizzy with the math.
I could have moved to India, gotten two degrees, and had a marriage fail. I could have traveled the world, met many people, and seen different cultures. I could have had so many adventures. Why did I have to love him?
Her resentment choked her. He smiled wider, thinking her overwhelmed with joy.
She had so little time to make her decision. One second. The decision of her life. Any longer and he would know the answer anyway. Already, too much of her time with him had been spent scheming.
Sickened with herself, she looked at his hopeful face. She looked at the man she had changed. Thought of what she had sacrificed. Thought of what she had made him sacrifice. So she chose.
"Yes!" She smiled back at him, tremulous.
The bile stuck in her throat and she closed her eyes against the tears that burned behind them.
And he kissed her.
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20 comments:
Big ol' WOW! Therese this is wonderful. Resentment, guilt, power, settling .. all in 250 words (or less). this is clever writing.
You gave me heartburn. As only another writer could. Continuing this story would have to be done at an emotional arm's length. I wouldn't know who to cry for more the gal or guy!
I agree - hard to know who to cry for. But I love the sentence "So she chose." I like that, though it's a tough choice, and not the one she necessarily wants, she is aware of her own power, and is not merely succumbing to this carefully laid plan. And I love all the couldas - I want to move to India, too!
You have it all in there! I like how her strength is shown in the word choice, as aerin described.
I love the realism and the quickly mixed thoughts which eventually lead her to the decision she wants.
JE T'AIME
This was a great psychological vignette, Therese. The fact that she took responsibility for her "scheming" made it very bittersweet, and even more authentic to me. Beautiful writing, too.
Sometimes, we don't know what we've done until too late. This was a brilliant portrait of regret.
Beautiful, and very clever, strongly constructed piece of writing. A bittersweet story, told with such honesty. This is really well done.
how well i know this feeling... tho i never waited that long,, i knew the moment i said yes... i had made a serious mistake....
this was very well done....
I was so hoping she would just say "no" and go it without him.
Wow, you got me with the ending. Effective surprise. What a beautiful portrait of a mind struggling with ambivalence and woulda coulda shoulda's. I love this piece.
The image of the poplar leads me to believe that he's bald, or blading at an early age and the stigma associated with that.
I was standing at the edge of my seat, waiting to find out what's next, waiting her to say 'no'...wow, this is so well written with all those phychological insight, congrats!
JaneyV - Thank you, very much.
Colleen - I love that I gave you heartburn. Love.
Aerin - Exactly, she chose. So I feel worse for him, cause he doesn't have a clue.
Tanya - Thank you. I think a lot can happen in one second.
Sarah Hina - Thank you. No decision is black or white, and I think her strongest quality is owning up to it, even though it's privately.
Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah)- I figure she can at least be honest with herself, in that secret place and in that crucial moment where and when we can be honest with ourselves. Thanks for the compliment.
Paisley - I am sure there are many variations of this very real sort of situation, and I am sure it has happened many times, the world over. If this happened to you... you're not alone.
Beth - Me too. I sighed, when I wrote that.
Linda Courtland - Thank you. I'm pretty sure everyone has those coulda shoulda wouldas.
Michael - Hee. I never thought of that. I picture him to be a naive man, handsome, and perfect -- just not for her.
SzélsőFa - Thanks!
Oh my! This was a fantastic vignette. Really, I felt it.
Very, very sad. Great job.
The bile stuck in her throat - I could have almost choke on it for her...fantastically written! And yet...there is still time to run... :)
It can be hard to write an unlikable main character that still holds the reader's interest and stirs emotions, but you did a great job!
I really like the theme. I feel quite strongly about this thing a lot of women have about changing their man into what they want... only to find they don't want him anymore. You did this one justice - Poetic justice ;-)
Unlikeable main character? Isn't this evey woman's reaction to marriage? I certainly know it would be mine, and I think it captured the moment perfectly.
Boy. So real. It was painful. I'm afraid it's the wrong, wrong choice. Very well done! High marks.
Congratulations on the honorable mention!!
Wow-- you've captured such complex emotions so effortlessly. I'm glad she was strong enough to view it as a choice. Now I hope she'll be mature enough to honor her choice and wise enough to allow true love to grow rather than holding onto previous desires.
Well deserved honorable mention!
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