Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Under the Willows, Part 5 (narrative poem)

(A young man yearns to have the power to reach beyond mortal ends. A sensual vampire tale in the tradition of THE HIGHWAYMAN by Alfred Noyes. Just joining us? Go back to Part 1.)



Deluged by torrents of new moon darkness
Soaring he swam on the living night
Against the silhouette mountains climbing
He shimmered in ghostly flight

A rustle pulled at the linen covers
Soft was the sound of his landing feet
He crept the length of the grey slate rooftop
Below they returned to sleep

He drew his slithering body liquid
Curled through the cracks where the field mice stole
His languid fingers caressed the bedpost
And tickled their breaths with cold

His aching melodies strummed the final
Withering phase of the April moon
Her lips were touched by the melting lyrics
Seduced by his nightly tune

**To be continued**


On to Part 6.
Back to Part 4.

13 comments:

JaneyV said...

I do love the way this poem is unfolding - it's a big treat to tune in and find another instalment.
You've really ratcheted up the sensual element here. His movements are so graceful - almost balletic . I love the way you described his shape-shifting in V3
"He drew his slithering body liquid
Curled through the cracks where the field mice stole"
As I was reading I could imagine an hypnotic musical piece played by a violin virtuoso quietly lulling the couple in bed. I think the music will soon turn to a more dramatic phase!
I'm wondering now why Collin went directly to this house and who this woman is that he's so interested in.
Needless to say (but I will anyway) I'm loving this!!

Miladysa said...

Ditto janeyv!

Eagerly awaiting the next episode!

:-D

Aine said...

This is reading like a movie in my head. I love the romance of him, the way he moves, etc. Yet there is enough element of a disturbing feeling to pull me back to the horrors of vampirism. But why does he prey on a couple? I thought vampires traditionally sought virgins?

As you know, I'm loving this...
;)

Sarah Hina said...

It's hypnotic how you've pulled us closer and closer to The Virgin with each part. The words are lithe, and supple. How disturbingly sensual it all is.

I can see her stirring to his breeze...

~beth ♥ said...

Sarah is right. It is very hypnotic. "Deluged by torrents of new moon darkness" is such an astounding line!

More, please!

JaneyV said...

I did a generic post on poetry today and I hope you don't mind but I put a link in to this because I thought it'd be good to share!

katcampbell said...

This part gave me chills...very hard to wait for each installment.

jason evans said...

Janey, what a wonderful comment! I love the depth you're exploring the piece. It's such a pleasure to write when it's received with this kind of energy. Thank you!

Miladysa, the next installment is going to require me to be at my best. I'd better get cracking!

Aine, yes, I'm playing with that duality. As for a couple, I'm going to have to be more careful about that. In my mind, there are more than one bedroom in the house. The girl is young, like him. She is alone.

Sarah, we're not so different from the prey in that we can't look away. Mixing those qualities of thrill and mortal danger is so potent.

Beth, thanks! I had some nice turns of phrase in this one. The next installment is going to be an even greater challenge. I want to achieve something really unique in those descriptions.

Janey, thanks so much!

Kat, I'll try not to make you wait too long. :)

SzélsőFa said...

Like others said before me, very sensual!
I was also wondering whether he was commencing a single person is one bed or more people at the same time... because the idea of having more bedrooms is nice, but he tickled their breaths, which means that he had power to reach into more than one bedroom at the same time...or one after another...why not, really? He creeped through a series of rooms before settling with the one he wanted the most.
Nice and creepy!!!
The tension definitely rises here.

Ello said...

This is creepy and yet erotic stuff here, Jason! Going into uncharted territories. I am seriously wide eyed to see what happens next!

paisley said...

damn jason,, this is getting hot... you are brilliant!!!!

jason evans said...

Szelsofa, you got my intention exactly. He was moving through the house. Thanks for the kind words!

Ello, okay, now you've thrown the gauntlet! I'm really going to pull out the stops for the remainder. :)

Paisley, I'm just glad the poem seems to be working on some level. I really wasn't sure how it would come out. As for the content, I'm having a blast with it! =)

Billy said...

Highly innovateive post unfolding with comsummate lyricism!