Beneath the roots was a rotted hollow
Carved from the death of an ancient tree
He burrowed warm in the womb of soil
And boiled in tangled dreams
He tasted images pulsing hotly
Fair and retiring emerald fires
He felt her cheek on the goose down pillow
And tiptoed in her desires
A hundred lifetimes on gales he traveled
Human fragility doused the flames
For weeks he chewed on the boundless questions
And searched for his lover's name
A fox's footfalls advanced attentive
Leapt through the forest when Collin stirred
His skin was milk after leaving tattered
His clothing beneath the dirt
**To be continued**
On to Part 5.
Back to Part 3.
11 comments:
"Beneath the roots was a rotted hollow
Carved from the death of an ancient tree"
Wonderful imagery! I love that the hole he chose for his metamorphosis is a decaying festering place, perfect for his rebirth as a monster. The notion of rottenness of the soul reflected in the surroundings.
I'm worried about the fox though!
"A hundred lifetimes on gales he traveled
Human fragility doused the flames"
SO Good!
This is excellent Jason. Very evocative and descriptive. The rhythm is powerful throughout. Well done!
www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com
I agree. Wonderful imagery! My personal favorite is:
He tasted images pulsing hotly
Fair and retiring emerald fires.
Wow, these strange images are quite real..creepy!
My favourite line,
"He burrowed warm in the womb of soil"
Is there any particular reason why you settled on the name Collin?
Hey - it actually gave me slight goosebumps. I think the idea of him burying himself into a rotted hollow and then rising up like a zombie quite creeped me out. I can't wait to read more.
Janey, that notion of metamorphosis just came to me. When that happens, I like to trust the instinct and run with it. BTW, the fox is fine! :)
Beth, much appreciated. =)
Geraldine, sometimes I hate myself for choosing a meter. So far, this one has been reasonable to handle. Glad you're enjoying this Gothic little story.
Meghan, great to see you! Thank you for the feedback on those lines. My original thought was slightly different, but these lines conveyed a good, visceral feel.
Szelsofa, it's true. Sometimes very curious things come out of my brain.
Miladysa, usually when I think of character names, I use a sort of Zen technique. I clear my mind, imagine something about the person, then wait for a name to drop in. That's what Collin did.
Ello, ha! You got the image very nicely. It IS disconcerting to think of him down there for weeks.
I thought I had commented on this part but it seems that I did not, after all...
Very powerful images, Jason. What a metamorphosis, in "tangled dreams"... Just beautiful. Anxiously waiting for more...
And boiled in tangled dreams...loved this, Jason!
I'm not the biggest fan of metered poetry or vampire tales (the latter prejudice is mostly out of ignorance), but your language has me by the throat!
(Had to work in a stupid vampire metaphor somewhere. ;) )
Jason, this is just fantastic!
The advantage of being MIA for a while is I got to read all 4 parts on the trot now... I'm dying to see the rest, though ('scuse the pun).
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