The Gray Ghost
by Beth Ostrander
The realization the last buffer between him and death is gone.. Shit, what’s he even doing at a funeral with all this death on display? Hell, death’s the star of the show here.
He stops halfway up the aisle, then half runs to a seat in the back, keeping his head down. This big, hulking man is reduced to a sobbing, shaking mass of nothing. He knows he’s the last brother left. He’s the spitting image of your dad. Seeing him is like seeing your dad alive, except for all that fear.
More people come stinking of body order and bad breath. The worse they smell, the closer they get.
Fat Aunt Mary who doesn’t bathe. Smells like she was boiled in sweat and onions. Of course, she grabs right on you and won’t let go. You can’t believe one person can smell this bad. This is what China smells like. You hate this dumb pile of flesh and her crazy-ass husband standing right behind her. Gawking. Waiting his turn. Hair standing straight up off his head like he just got a good whiff of his wife. He’s running some bullshit speech on your mom.
Something like, He’s better off now. All the alive people say that.
When Mary releases, you feel blessed.
Your father’s shell only a few feet away from you in that box made to look like his last motorcycle, the Gray Ghost. No open country roads here, Dad. Just peach Crayola crayon-colored cold skin and death.
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Listening for the words in a quiet corner of the night. The fiction, poetry, and photography of Jason Evans.
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- Aine
- Collaborator and night owl.
Past Contests
- "Elemental" Short Fiction Contest
- "Uncovered" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silhouette" Short Fiction Contest
- "In Vino Veritas" Short Fiction Contest
- "Ascension" Short Fiction Contest
- "Running Wind" Short Fiction Contest
- "Whispers" Short Fiction Contest
- "Restless Dawn" Short Fiction Contest
- "Halo" Short Fiction Contest
- "Endless Hour" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silent Grey" Short Fiction Contest
- "Lonely Moon" Short Fiction Contest (with Anne Frasier)
- "Midnight Road" Short Fiction Contest
- "Two Lights" Short Fiction Contest
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33 comments:
Great sensory detail here. And a creepy ending.
Ouch, this one hurt. But only because it felt so raw and authentic.
Great descriptive details here. I got a real sense of his alienation, and how distorting and cartoonish a funeral can be for some.
Strong, vivid writing, Beth! Great job.
Gripping take on the picture.
Sarah, you're very perceptive. This was the first contest I took from my journal and not the pic itself, but my dad's motorcycle fit the bill for the bike. I needed something to break up the summer doldrums and don't expect to even place as this is personal journal writing and not a short fiction piece.
I always enjoy reading and voting though so didn't want to be out of the loop this time. =)
Thanks for the comments.
I could smell your aunt there ;)
It was very descriptive with painful undertones... like withdrawn but in the midst of it all too!
I've been to funerals where the vampires descend to feed off the pain and sorrow. They always have clammy wet-fish handshakes. The emptiness of the loss is palpable here, the anger, the discomfort at being forced into this painful ritual with despicable odorous relatives - very real. The ending packed a real punch too. Well done!
Amy, I probably was watching this from a distance.
Janey, this was actually my own father's funeral and you're right about the way people act/behave. Funerals are such a surreal circus.
Very Flannery O'Connor-ish. Raw and in your face, and honest.
Interesting. I could see, smell, and feel this one. Good visuals.
I don't know if the mc is a child, and yet that is what I saw. Everyone wanting to "hug" you.
Ewww.
Interesting ending too....
The Gray Ghost being the motorcycle and the man.
Good job, Beth.
My eyes are tearing from the imaginary smell of Aunt Mary. Hoooleeee. That was a vivid description.
Well, it was me in my 30's, but still everyone wanted to hug me. Blech is right.
MYPinTA, that really is my Aunt Mary and her husband. Boy, are they ever special to me.
Your truth is overwhelming in this piece. The description was flawless.
Well narrated!
Though it leaves you cold,it's the ultimate truth of life.
Parabolist, I think that's the best comment I've ever received. I thank you very much for it.
Sameera, you can't get colder than dead, right? =)
Good portrayal of what goes on in ones mind at a funeral. I could see it all as if I was there. -Rita
The finality here is palatable through your excellent use of the senses. I read a great deal of 'I should have ...' between the lines in this tale of loss.
Thanks, everyone. I just caught up on all my reading for this contest and now I'm back to that point where I have too many to vote for and no way to decide. LOL
I'm particularly enamored with your sentence structuring!
really a strong piece of writing. Very descriptive and makes you feel the atmosphere, as if one is there ..
Hair standing straight up off his head like he just got a good whiff of his wife. - Beth, so incredibly vivid and good. You always deliver, but this is really spectacular. I like knowing the inspiration from your own life.
"This is what China smells like." Good description. Not only does it appeal to the sense of smell; it also appeals to the visual--a crowded funeral.
Thanks, everyone. Comments are always appreciated and I'll admit it, somewhat treasured. =)
JR, thanks for quoting that line.
I found this even harder to read, Beth, knowing it came from your journal and figuring out early on it was your father's funeral.
It was definitely chilling.
My relatives may drive me crazy, but I am thankful that none of them smell.
Beth, I know you said this picture was not good for you creatively but I have to say you nailed your descriptions and characters here. I felt like the character in sensory overload. To do that in 250 words is fantastic. Really.
The paragraph that began with "Fat Aunt Mary who doesn’t bathe." was awesome. Just awesome.
Paul
This is one of those ones that make you want to douse your face with a glass of cold water right afterward.
Regarding Fat Aunt Mary: maybe he is better off now.
Nice job, Beth. You never spare the good stuff.
Thanks, everyone. The best part about these contests are the give and take. I love reading the comments and giving them. You get such a good sense of community here.
nicely wrought, beth
Very raw and honest. I particularly liked the portrayal of the aunt. I can almost smell the putrid smell of her. Nicely written, Beth.
"He knows he's the last brother left."
I'm from a big family, and this really struck my heart, imagining my own brothers some day.
The aunt - well, I know what you mean, but before I knew this was a personal journal, I would have thought you put her in there more as comic relief.
Thank you for sharing something so personal to you. :)
"peach Crayola crayon-colored cold skin"-- so true! Great description!
Funerals really are strange things, aren't they? Thanks for sharing your personal observations.
The worse they smell, the closer they get...oh, how true. The connection at the end which exists above the horrible people was very well done. Good marks.
Wonderful writing!
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