Friday, July 11, 2008

Entry #15

Pure Evel
by Ronald King


The boss shifted, his clear blue eyes taking full measure of the new highway. Contrasting the flat, scrub horizon in either direction, the asphalt arched high into the air before plummeting like a rock cast into a chasm. At a nearly impossible angle, the stretch of road fell nearly vertically before wrenching upward to end at a drop. A flashing sawhorse barricade blinked repetitively at that precipice.

He strolled to the barrier where Mike, Yuri, Ralph, and Gabe waited patiently for praise or criticism of their work. Beyond the barricade was nothing short of a slice of heaven. “You couldn’t find any helicopters for the jump?” he teased.

Mike chuckled. “We figured some rattlesnakes and cougars would be nostalgic for his first jump.”

“Besides, we don’t want him to bore too easily,” Gabe interjected. “There’ll be more shows. We’ll use helicopters then.”

“It’s well done, boys,” the boss drawled. “A bit too much light, though.”

Yuri chimed in, “I’ll kill the lights soon as the star arrives.”

“Perfect.” The boss glanced at his watch. “Pete will be here with the new guy soon. Usher the fans in, kill the lights, and fire up those flaming hoops.”

“It’s your show,” Pete cheerily chimed as he handed over the helmet. Robert Craig mounted the machine, its carburetors growled beneath him. Rings of fire flared to life. Fans erupted in cheers. Craig spurred the Harley into motion, the front wheel screamed in the air as he raced toward eternity.

17 comments:

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Very well described.The end was a surprise!

JaneyV said...

So if Craig is the New Guy - is there an Old Guy at the bottom of the chasm?

Lots of atmosphere here Ronald. Tremendous circus feel. The 'busy-ness' of the pre-show machinations and excitement is palpable. Enjoyed it!

Aerin said...

Pure EVEL. BWahahahahahahahaha.

LOVE the action.

BernardL said...

Very well blended dialogue.

Beth said...

I really like your take on the photo. Very clever.

September said...

Nice work, Ronald. Great imagery. I imagined myself there...and I love your ending. I kept wondering if he'd make the jump....and he did, to "eternity" -- great word to end with.
Good job.

kgilbert said...

Fresh and Original. Nice approach. Good writing - good story.

Sarah Hina said...

Beautiful last line! We're hanging in the air with him. :)

I'm with Beth--this is a great interpretation of the photo, with a very clever title. The dialogue felt authentic, as did the details.

Great job!

Parabolist said...

Thank you all for your kind comments!

24crayons said...

Yeah, I get it, but it took me a while - well and that you explained it. I think Beth understood it all though.

Wannabe Writer said...

Very descriptive... Good job. -Rita

Scott said...

I used to love Eval Knieval when I was a kid, and by extension, Arthur Fonzerelli. Nice original take on the photo.

angel said...

fabulous imagery! i could see it all in my head!!

laughingwolf said...

oh, a good one!

JR's Thumbprints said...

This brought back memories of my childhood where another dare devil attempted to jump 13 Pepsi Trucks with his heavy motorcycle. The television warned us children not to "try this at home," and we ignore it, jumping our bicycles over an open pit. As for endorsements, we drank Towne Club soda instead.

Nice working story.

Aine said...

More shows? Is he immortal?

Sounds like a fun way to go-- if one is ready to go!

Very creative story!

jason evans said...

I liked the chilling touch in the end. I imagine many deaths are like that. The moment before was so comfortable and taken for granted. Good pacing.