Monday, July 14, 2008

Entry #26

Highway No 57
by Sameera Ansari


Get out! She yelled. Looking daggers at her, he left, slamming the door behind him.

Noooooooooooo, she bolted upright, jactitating. Blackouts usually followed her crying fits, but not nightmares. Shafts of fading sunlight pierced the eerie shadows of the room. Getting up to turn on the light, she hoped he was alright. She could not help worrying as she cooked, tidied the house, took a warm shower and sat down for a lonely supper. The radio was playing their song.

She was about to turn it off when an announcement came on, A young motorcyclist was killed and a motorist seriously injured in a head-on collision at about 8pm on Highway No 57. The police have not yet identified the deceased, whose body has been taken to the General Hospital for autopsy.

The fork clanged on the floor, springing her into action. His phone sang Everything I Do on the refrigerator in response to her call. She hoped he was at Dan's, his childhood friend and best man. But he had not heard from Rob over the weekend. Frantically, she called whoever she could think of, only to get the same response.

Putting on a jacket, she grabbed the car keys and stepped into the chilly Sunday night, not noticing the silhouette on the dimly lit porch settee. She was about to get into the car when two strong arms seized her from behind, turning her around on the spot. Her eyes widened in shock, and then in relieved surprise.

28 comments:

wrath999 said...

Very nicely done. I expected the worse. Way to build up tension

alex

Lena said...

loved it dear!
and so happy it was not a sad one finally..
such a pleasant surprise at the end.
Very well written :)

Charles Gramlich said...

I could feel the relief myself. Nicely done.

BernardL said...

The sense of immediacy was very strong.

Wannabe Writer said...

A surprise ending and a satisfying one at that. Good story! -Rita

Sarah Hina said...

Oh, I was so relieved. I loved how his arms reached out of the darkness to grab her.

Very frightening what-might-have-been, and vividly portrayed. Well done!

24crayons said...

I was relieved too!

I'm glad it ended happily, even though I like dreary at times, it's nice to have it all work out.

HavasuSharon said...

Awwww, I really liked this. It's all there - cause, worry, the hunt and a happy ending. Well done.

Scott said...

What a blessed blast of relief!

Nice gradual rise in temperature to this piece.

Sheri said...

I am so glad you ended it the way you did and were not predictable. Plus I was happy it had such a happy ending. I agree too, the tension building was well done.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Easy to identify with. We've all had those moments where we expect the worst but are relieved, even if it means someone else having to experience the tragedy. Nicely done.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thank you everybody!I am glad you liked the story.I am having a great time reading all your wonderful :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

*wonderful entries

the walking man said...

Wonderful slice of life, very nice read, not over composed. Well Done!

SzélsőFa said...

What a surprise and nice ending - and it was cleverly told at that, too.

JaneyV said...

I nearly cried with relief myself at he end. Way to jack up the tension! Cool ending. Whew!

September said...

This was great! My heart dropped with her fork. What a tense ending. You really got me with that ending. Really, really good job.

Beth said...

I expected the worse too, but was so glad to get the opposite! This felt "lived in" and real.

kgilbert said...

Oh I love a happy ending..I really mean that. Beautiful writing.

laughingwolf said...

nicely honed, thank you

Dottie said...

So often the surprise at the end is bad news. This feels very fresh. Great work.

Vesper said...

Well done suspense. Like the others I felt relief at the happy ending.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thank you so much everyone! :)

pernille said...

Very well written.

Oh, the thoughts going through her head. I suppose the most of us have tried have having our imagination run while when we can't get a hold on one of our loved ones.

So glad your story has a happy ending

ChrisEldin said...

Awesome tension in this one. Nicely done!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Thank you once more :)

jason evans said...

Close call. That kind of worry can crash down on you. I liked the relief. Good storytelling.

Aine said...

Thank goodness! I can't imagine the guilt and grief she would have endured had he died.

Nice tension.