Monday, July 14, 2008

Entry #29

The White Room
by SzélsőFa


Here comes the morning shot. To make me forget, but I remember. That night’s trapped within me.

They keep asking and I keep telling them my story:

-

With the Sun peeking through the torn branches, the morning feels like a dirty window overlooking the backyard of a cheap hotel.

Fallen needles sputter beneath my dizzy feet.

Further away, beside his motorcycle, he lies motionless.

The vibrant colors of yester eve have faded into a distant, pale gray with prickly goosebumps on my skin.

But I do recall a shouting yellow, a high green, all rushing, clashing into one speed that evokes electricity like thunder.

Long time ago did I understand that there’s no use fighting. His will is stronger, his words are stronger. And I’d rather sway. Bend to avoid break. How much further can one bend?

Miles were consumed like years…

I tried to count the number of signs, but I lost at…somewhere.

But the wind was free.

And the wind slapped the smell of oil and rubber into my face.

That was when the thunder came. Like a balloon burst out with too much pressure to contain.

A short crimson streak across the horizon.

Was it the setting Sun?

Someone laughed and someone cried.

My hands and arms felt heavy. My muscles were tight. I felt the need to sleep.

-

They said it was all gone.

My yesterday’s gone.

People took his body away.

The instrument, so they said, was never found.

29 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

Very interesting. Kind of between a poem and story. Lovely wording.

BernardL said...

The lines and sectioning were striking.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Guess he deserved such an end.

Nice description!

Lena said...

wonderful description. just few words but added lots to the mood of the whole piece

SzélsőFa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wannabe Writer said...

This is a good example of a story poem. Good job with the meter and the imaging. -Rita

Sarah Hina said...

Beautiful, Szelsofa. So many of your images were striking, but my favorite line was That was when the thunder came. Ambiguous, but full of sinister intent.

I really loved your writing. Excellent piece!

SzélsőFa said...

Charles,
I was actually thinking of writing a poem, you know, when this is what came out. Thank you!
Bernardl,
Thanks!
Sameera,
You bet he did. But did she, too?
Lena,
I'm glad it reached to you. Thank you!

SzélsőFa said...

Rita,
Thank you for your kind words.
Sarah,
I feel humbled. Thank you.
Thunder did come, and it came from deep within. I'm glad it came through.

ChrisEldin said...

Another powerful vignette written by Szelsofa. Loved this one. I have to keep reading it to understand all its levels, but the writing is beautiful and haunting.

JR's Thumbprints said...

You've got a good sense of color when setting the mood. Nicely done.

strugglingwriter said...

Great job as always Szelsofa.

I particularly liked this paragraph:

"Long time ago did I understand that there’s no use fighting. His will is stronger, his words are stronger. And I’d rather sway. Bend to avoid break. How much further can one bend?"

You use all the senses here quite well.

Scott said...

Others have commented as such, but this had a beautiful, poetic lilt to it.

kgilbert said...

Very artistic and inventive. Good work.

I esp liked:
With the Sun peeking through the torn branches, the morning feels like a dirty window overlooking the backyard of a cheap hotel.

SzélsőFa said...

Chris,
thanks for taking you time. I'm so glad you liked it.

Jr's Thumbprints,
the colors definitely helped setting the mood, don't they?

SW.,
thanks, my friend.

Scott,
this is what poured out. I only worded what I've felt. Strange, isnt't it? It came from somewhere deep inside. And no, I'm not writing this from the white room :)))

KGilbert,
Thanks for your words of appraisal.

JaneyV said...

Szelsofa - every line a poetic jewel. Beautiful

September said...

artistic, poetic, colorful and beautiful.
Very nice, Szelsofa.

Bernita said...

Comprehensively beautiful, Szelsofa.
VERY well done!

SzélsőFa said...

JaneyV, September and Bernita
Your words of appreciation mean much to me. They help me in my path. Thank you for your kindness.

Vesper said...

Every sentence opens a door into emotion...
Just beautiful...

angel said...

wow... incredibly graphic and descriptive!

Dottie said...

Very haunting and moving. I love the ambiguity.

Ello said...

This is a testament not only to the power and poetry of your words, but also the pauses and spaces that you wield with such mastery which raises the whole piece to pure beauty. There is such elegance in the words and the skillful pauses. I thought this was extremely well done!

laughingwolf said...

dang google ate my post yet again! grrrrrr

excellent write, by the way

iLL Man said...

It's like each line is it's own entity. Wonderful stuff Szelsofa.

SzélsőFa said...

Vesper,
Emotion is a key word here, for sure. Thank you.

Angel,
It just talked to me that way. Thanks!

Dottie,
I like leaving some doors open, in writing, there is where I do.

Ello,
Your kind words are much appreciated, dearest Ello.

Laughingwolf,
google and blogger are sometimes the enemies of our freedom aren't they? Thank you!

IllMan,
I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you!

jason evans said...

The fragmented memories are intriguing. I wonder where this leaves her.

SzélsőFa said...

She's now in the white room. That's what is left of her, so to say.
Thanks for your comment, Jason.

Aine said...

Somehow, I think she still is not broken, though she was forced to bend beyond what many would consider sane. I hope her tomorrow will get better!