Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Entry #57

Lunar Cycles
by Angelique H. Caffrey


The stage is dark except for a spotlight in which a young woman stands before a tombstone.

Audrey: Hi. [lightly touches tombstone] I’m sorry. [pauses] I… I… don’t know what to say. Except that I’m… sorry. [pauses] I kept the license plate… It’s been eleven days, you know? Eleven days. Weird. We’ve never been apart eleven days. [suddenly laughs] Oh, wait. Except for that time… remember… you were hammered and made out with that girl… You were a real bastard. It’s a good thing I didn’t… [trails off, closes eyes]

Sound of crickets.

Audrey: [strangely giddy] Hear that chirping? Crick-it! Crick-it! God, I love that. It’s beautiful. It’s so alive. [suddenly opens eyes] How could you be so goddamned selfish? How could you do this? We had a life together, you son of a bitch. And you had to go and die. Well, thanks. Thanks a hell of a lot. [cries] I’m… I miss you.

Sound of jet plane overhead.

Audrey: [lifts face to sky] I’m looking up… are you looking down? [pauses] There’s not much moon tonight. [pauses] What did it feel like, Jack? Did it hurt? You were such a mess they wouldn’t let me see you. Your dad – he saw you. He fainted. Said he’d never talk about it. But I want to know. I want to know everything. [sits on grave] Everything.

Audrey: I’m tired. [lies down] Are you tired? [puts her ear to grave] I hear your heart beating. [closes eyes] Sweet dreams.

20 comments:

Scott said...

You really captured the mood, and in such a unique format. I could see the whole thing. Loved the accents.

JR's Thumbprints said...

A flash script... what a neat idea. Her dialogue tells us their story.

September said...

Wow. That was great. I hadn't seen a story in this format. And you left me wishing we could get the answer. Audry can't. Neither can we. Sigh.
I loved the ending.
Great job.

The Quoibler said...

Scott, JR, and September:

Thanks so much for the kind words. I kept acting this out and am considering doing it as a monologue piece on my blog. But that's up in the air. Waaaaay up in the air! :)

Angelique

BernardL said...

Appealing reverie.

JaneyV said...

What a great format to reveal Audrey's turmoil. Poignant and perfectly realised. Lovely Angelique.

wrath999 said...

Excellent read

klgilbert said...

BRAVO! Like a little one act play...I really loved it. It was so genuine and authentic. I found myself getting choked up. You really nailed this. Great writing skills.

iLL Man said...

I like this. A sort of emotional projection onto the coldness of the grave. Some people hug pillows, others sit by graves or keep clothing...........

Whatever, it's a natural reaction in most sentient creatures.

ChrisEldin said...

I came here expecting something humorous.

This is a great surprise. Very nicely done. I love the format you chose. It doesn't let you rest, which matches what you've written. Very well done.

Sarah Hina said...

Angelique, this was fantastic! Really, really well done. I could hear the monologue in my head, and the little details were perfect for the scene. Crickets are so alive, but sound so removed, too.

Brilliant conception, and execution! One of my favorites, for sure.

Missy said...

I enjoyed this format far more than I would have thought - I may have to read a play now! Thanks, Angelique, for a heartfelt scene.

Beth said...

Yes, that was definitely unique. I don't think it's a contest until I read your entry because I'll always look for it until I do!

Dottie said...

This is very poignant. I like how the story trusts us to know about the accident without you having to include the background. You didn't waste time or words in your story and trusted the reader to get it. Nice job!

Vesper said...

This is excellent! Very well done!

c.s. said...

very original, very enchanting...

i love this!

laughingwolf said...

a super write, thank you...

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Such a unique way to narrate-the shortest play I have ever read :)

It was so touching.Beautiful!

SzélsőFa said...

Angelique, wow.
As someone else mentioned the reader sees and hears and feels everything. What a unique take on the photo!

jason evans said...

Great example of exposition and character development through dialog only. Great job! And not a little sad. High marks overall.