Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Entry #60

Mystery Hill
by Charlene Teglia


“Your name’s Lee, right?”

I nodded, not trusting myself to open my mouth just now. I got up and untangled myself from my wrecked ten speed. The frame was bent. Now I’d have to walk in the gathering dark, a nice, slow-moving target for winged things. Unbelievable bad luck that I’d darted into his path and had to swerve into a tree to keep from going head-on with a Harley Sportster.

“You okay?”

I nodded again, wishing he’d just go. There was no way I could explain any of this. Especially not to Nick Austin.

He didn’t grant my wish. Instead, he made a gesture at the seat behind him. “Want a ride?” When I didn’t answer, he added, “If you like to go like a bat out of hell, it helps to have a motor.”

“Mind giving me a demonstration?” I hopped on and tried to act nonchalant, as if riding behind the class bad boy was no big deal. I could die of embarrassment later. Right now, I just didn’t want to die.

He gave a short laugh. “You’ll get scared before I run out of torque.”

I was already scared, but not of speed. “Try me.”

“Are you in trouble, Lee?”

I looked over my shoulder and saw two pairs of wings outlined against the moon. I didn’t think the gargoyles had spotted us. Yet. “Yeah. I’m dead if I don’t get home on time,” I said with utter truthfulness.

16 comments:

BernardL said...

Tightly plotted monster tale. Nicely done.

Sarah Hina said...

Cool! I never expected gargoyles.

This story unfolded nicely, and I really liked that you included a "bad boy" who was really the safest thing about the story. I hope he moves...

Strong storytelling with believable dialogue. Great work!

annmarie-a said...

Oh. Now I want more. This is bad. This is very bad. I can't have more and I want more. Why do I do this to myself?

Beth said...

Gargoyles are supposed to be guardians against evil, so is the main character evil? Yep, this one ended too soon.

JR's Thumbprints said...

I agree with Beth. Your dialogue's so good that I want to hear more.

September said...

mystery hill, bad boy, gargoyles...I want more too.

Nice work.

raine said...

Oh, verra, verra nice, Charlene!(gleefully rubbing hands together)... ;)

Loved it, lol.
A ride with this guy sounds very interesting!

JaneyV said...

Really great Charlene. Didn't see the monster element coming at all. I also think that having the school bad boy ending up being the beacon of goodness was a nice touch.

Enjoyed it very much!

Scott said...

Cool. I liked how that ended, with a beginning.

Aerin said...

All right, I'm a dork, but I love that you're unsure whether Lee is a guy or girl.

Oh, yeah, and the writing's good and the twist is fantastic.

:)

Jordan Summers said...

Charli, As always, wonderful writing. Are you sure you can't find time to work on this story? *g*

Posolxstvo I said...

I agree with the others. A terrific beginning. A nive vignette. I want to see what happens next!

angel said...

AWESOME fantasy twist! fabulous!

laughingwolf said...

please expand this terrific tale...

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

I hope they got home unharmed.

Well done!

jason evans said...

So something a little unusual about that family, perhaps? I like how she takes the mortal danger in stride. Like she's used to it. High marks overall.