Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Entry #59

Done
by Angel


Success.
My life was beginning.
I had nowhere to go but forward. No one to worry about but me.
How many times I had asked myself why it had taken me more than thirteen years to reach this point. I had lost count. Then again… no amount of nagging or begging or pleading had ever gotten through to the bitch. I had tried reasoning with her. I had run away. She always found me. The bruises healed quickly enough… but I still bore the scars. They would never go away.

But enough was enough. I was finally outta there.

And I had her bike.

Inevitably, the mental self interrogation started.
I had hoped that the lines flashing under the wheels would be hypnotising and help keep my mind off what I had just done. That the light, dark, light, dark stuttering of the streetlights would distract me. That the engine beneath me would numb my mind and my body and let me just escape before I started grilling myself.
The “what ifs” started to cloud my thinking, taking my focus away from the road under me and onto the whirlpool that was my subconscious.
What if someone looked for me?
What if someone noticed her bike was gone?
What if one of her clients wondered where I had gone?
NO! No, no, no! I couldn’t think like that. Not now.

I glanced down at the severed head in the bottom of the sidecar.
I knew I was free.

24 comments:

Sarah Hina said...

Ouch. I guess he finally snapped.

I like how his thoughts reflected his surroundings. The alternating light and dark of the streetlights permitting moments of hope and fear.

Nicely told.

BernardL said...

Rough way to break up a relationship. The internal dialogue was very good.

JR's Thumbprints said...

I could sense your main character's detachment (no pun intended).

angel said...

sarah hina, bernard & jr's thumbprints: thank you for the compliments!
:D

September said...

Wow... I was trying to figure out what he had done and suddenly, bamm! There it was...he has her severed head. Yikes! Where's the body, I wonder.

Interesting story and nicely written.

JaneyV said...

I love the way you described the initial euphoria before letting the doubt creep in. The strobing imagery beautifully reflects the conflict. The gruesome end is very effective.

What is it about bikes that brings out the gruesome in us al!l mwhaaaha

BecauseIcan said...

Wonderful!

Loved it.. I was surprised by the head.. but I suppose it is a bike and space is an issue...lol!

Dottie said...

I really enjoyed this one!

pernille said...

I so agree with September and the head really suprised my.

But I wonder, who is she? A possesiv girlfrind / wife? Or perhaps a dominant mother?

pernille said...

whoops, I forget to say nice inner dialogue

Posolxstvo I said...

"the light, dark, light, dark stuttering of the streetlights" - I liked this.

The main character needs to ditch the head. That's the kind of thing that can make a routine traffic stop a wee bit awkward.

angel said...

september: thank you so much!

janeyv: fabulous compliment!

becauseican: :D

dottie: thanx!

pernille: thank you- and i think "she" could be any of them!

posolxstvo i: lololol...

Vesper said...

The rhythm of the internal monologue matches well the rhythm of the road.
But I wonder if the main character could be truly free with the constant reminder provided by the bike and the head...

Nicely written.

Linda said...

I was surprised by the last line -- brutal and effective. Good job.

angel said...

vesper: ta...

linda: thank you!

laughingwolf said...

sounds pretty final to me... well said....

ChrisEldin said...

I was also wondering who she was.
Good twist at the end.

angel said...

laughing wolf & chriseldin: thank you so much for the compliments!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Beautifully done!

My perception of it was a girl forced into prostitution running away from a brothel,after murdering her pimp.

I know,I have a wild imagination :P

SzélsőFa said...

A very interesting take on the *run-away-from-a-monster* theme. The main character's inner doubt is well displayed.
I'm left in shadows as to the *bitch*, but that does not really matter here.

SzélsőFa said...

I mean not knowing who the torturer was takes nothing away from the story.

angel said...

*~*{sameera}*~*: i think thats a great way to see it... in fact i think it started out that way... ;P

szélsöfa: thank you. i s'pose it could have been a little clearer!

jason evans said...

She's heading for freedom. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.) That was well written. The short sentences were excellent punctuated thoughts. Good pacing.

angel said...

jason evans: ta- a compliment from you is high praise for me!