Friday, July 11, 2008

Entry #7

Something There
by Melanie Odhner


There was always something there, she reasoned. We must see something when we look at the dark, or it wouldn't scare us so much.

She stood barefoot on a cold street. At her home, in her element, the pavement was always warm from the last rubber tires to crush against it.

There, the world was not a spectrum between what she could barely see and what she could not. In the city there was light and there was darkness, noise and pale, empty sky. No one could quite be trusted, but everyone knew that, and readily forgave. Here, grudges were held. The sky was lit with reminders.

Real light here was rare, and real darkness only meant there was something to fear. Right now, real darkness was everywhere. It lived and surrounded her on this pathetic, two-lane street.

At home, light would have come to rescue her.

Safety was the tiny buzz that meant civilization. She thought of it rising into the whir of a motor, then fading back into the under-noise, or getting louder until it stung her ears and morphed into a series of clicks too fast and painful to be rhythmic. Then it turned a corner and was heading toward her. Here in her imaginary city world, two small lit orbs could streak and blind enough to fill her seen world.

She snapped out of her trance and started running toward the edge of the road. Something was there.

15 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

I really like the repetition of "something there." It makes the story bigger than the word count.

Sarah Hina said...

There is a deep unease and longing in this vignette that I found very appealing. We may be a bit in the dark ourselves, but it suits the woman's frame of mind.

I also like how you propelled her forward with the last paragraph. Left us wanting more. Nice writing!

wrath999 said...

The first paragraph sucks one in. The last leaves us wanting more.


'We must see something when we look at the dark, or it wouldn't scare us so much.' I never thought of it this way. Brilliant!

JaneyV said...

Full of tension and confusion - you conveyed the fear of the unknown with great skill. I find I'm still pondering "what was there?"

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

This was sort of "X Files". Really liked the unknown factor. Isn't that how life really is?

Geraldine said...

This is wonderful! Gripping and full of suspense. Well done.

www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com

September said...

Wow, Melanie. This was great. Tense. I was sitting in the dark reading this and I had to glance back myself as I read this. You were making me paranoid that something was "here" too.
Good job.
(and I turned on the light)

Parabolist said...

Great suspense piece!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

You leave the reader wanting more!

Very well etched.

Wannabe Writer said...

Good story that sucks the reader in and leaves us waiting for more...-Rita

JefeB said...

Full of menace, but at the same time somewhat ethereal~Thanks for sharing.

Dottie said...

This is really lovely and filled with longing. I'm glad I came back here for a second read before sending in my selections.

laughingwolf said...

spectacular write, melanie :)

Aine said...

Fear of the unknown... perhaps the most powerful of human traits. Perfect last line!

jason evans said...

I was totally entraced by the first half. It's a rare skill to create such a strong draw with exposition. Good pacing and technical use of language.