(The past couple of years has been an intense time of delving into, analyzing, and (hopefully) better understanding myself. Now, when I look back at images of my past, I see them differently. Perhaps, more clearly. This series will share some of those musings.)
Santa was friends with my neighbors.
Each year, this family would host a Christmas party of sorts for the neighborhood kids and parents. Here I am six years old. We would get Santa lap time, mumble what we want for Christmas, then get a small gift from Santa right there.
It's weird being that boy in my mind, feeling what he's feeling, and seeing him objectively at the same time as a 38 (soon to be 39) year old. As I'm mulling it over right now, I think that the most notable things I see today are the things I was completely unaware of when I was younger.
That boy feels: very self-conscious, uneasy with the attention of the room turned on him, and not sure how the interaction with Santa will go. Excited, but cautious. An underlying nudge of anxiety.
The adult me sees: an odd confidence for my age, even though the boy's posture is defensive and closed. I'm maintaining a personal power vis-à-vis Santa. I'm not sitting. I'm facing him. And by standing, I'll taller than he is. I'm forcing him to deal with me person-to-person. Yet, I don't look brazen. I look friendly and sincere.
Overall, I think I appear quite differently than how I felt. It might be easy to misinterpret my unease and caution. I realize now that I didn't feel some of my strengths back then. I probably never learned as a child to give myself that credit.
Of course, once the goods were in hand (love ya Santa!), here I am contemplating all of the dazzling skyscrapers I could build with my new Girders and Panels set.
I kind of wish I still had that.
I'm in the mood to build.
Oooh, and air hockey!! Anyone up for a game??